Monday, August 28, 2006

Big Papi picks 'em

Every week I'm going to go through the games on ESPN.com's College Pick 'Em. If you want to win your group, here's all the expert prognostication you'll need. Week 1 Stanford at Oregon The showdown of two of the most pussified mascots in all of sports...a duck against a tree. How incredibly gay. Throw in Oregon's revolving door of hidious uniforms and your in for a trully horrifying experience. Most important fact about this game....Stanford sucks. Winner- Oregon Rutgers at North Carolina How fucking terrible is your conference if Rutgers finishes 3rd? How does this shit happen at the Big East still has an auto-BCS bid. Can their commissioner even talk about this and keep a straight face? And yes I remember that West Virginia beat Georgia in the Sugar Bowl last year, but that was a total fluke. Saint Richt just didn't pray hard enough before the game. Even saying all this, North Carolina blows. Winner- Rutgers Cal at Tennessee I've already broken this game down so I'm not going to do it again here. Yeah I'm fucking lazy. If you want analysis look here Winner- Tennessee Southern Miss at Florida Holy shit!! Florida opening a season against a semi-decent opponent. This may be the first time in their history that they haven't opened against a school with a direction in it's name....oh wait, nevermind. Leak will let loose a few small anal sprays, Urban will shed a few tears and point his finger, but Florida will win. Winner- Florida Syracuse at Wake Forest The second match up of shitty Big East team against shitty ACC team I get to pick. Thanks ESPN. Wake has bowl potential while Syracuse just fucking blows. Winner- Wake Forest Utah at UCLA UCLA is a typical Pac-10 team with no defense except now their offense sucks ass too. The key question in this game is how the Mormons will handle the Los Angeles culture shock. Winner- Utah Virginia at Pittsburgh Make your third notch on the shitty Big East against shitty ACC matchup counter. Virgina likes to pride itself on running a pro-style offense (one of their favorite things to talk about in recruiting). Too bad they have shit-style players running it. But they aren't playing the Steelers. Winner- Virginia Washington State at Auburn Do I really need to go into this one? Auburn is good, Washington State is fucking awful. Winner- Auburn USC at Arkansas I am curious to see how the Trojan players will react to seeing some of the most redneck shit they will ever see in their entire lives. I doubt Dwayne Jarrett has ever seen anything like this before... Bottom line for Arkansas...no McFadden, no shot in hell. Winner- USC Notre Dame at GA Tech I know I'm not the only one that's tired of hearing the national media fellate Charlie Weiss and Brady Quinn. I don't think Weiss can see his cock it's shoved so far down Beano Cook's mouth (not that the fat ass could see it anyway...by the way, after that last sentence I don't think I'll ever get an erection again). Nothing would make me happier than seeing the Domers blow their whole season in week 1 and Tech, with Reggie Ball and Calvin Johnson, have the firepower to do it...but never pick a team coached by Chan Gailey Winner- Notre Dame E-mail Big Papi at BigPapisInbox@gmail.com

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