Friday, September 29, 2006

Big Papi's Pick 'Ems

Not a bad week last week. With Notre Dame's epic comeback, I finished at 9-1 with the only loss coming when Chuck Amato lucked into a win over BC. That goofy bastard may have cost me a perfect week but that win isn't going to be enough to save his job.
Know if anyone's hiring?
Everything else went as predicted thanks to John L. Smith wrapping the chord of his headset around his neck...thanks John. I hope you're getting your resume prepared as well. On to this week's picks (as always they are taken from ESPN.com's College Pick 'Em)... Navy at Connecticuit The Weekly I Know Notadamnthing About These Teams Game Oh boy....a service academy at a shitty Big East school. How exciting. I literally know nothing about either of these teams except UConn is shakey at QB...plus they play in the Big East. After looking at their schedule, I'm picking Navy out of principle. No one should be allowed to play two service academy teams, Rhode Island, Indianna, and a shitty Big East schedule and still be considered a Division 1 team. Winner- Navy Bowling Green at Ohio Apparently there are two I Know Notadamnthing About These Teams game this week. Bowling Green has struggled to beat Buffalo and Florida International, plus they got destroyed by Kent State. At least Ohio's two losses came to semi-legitimate teams. Plus Bowling Green is responsible for releasing the most overrated coach in America, the Urban Legend, onto the world. Another pick on principle... Winner- Ohio Purdue at Notre Dame So Charlie Weis is either a fat whiny bitch or a fat lying bitch. In his press conference after the Michigan State game, Weis claimed he was slapped by MSU reciever Matt Trannon during a scuffle on the Notre Dame sideline.
What did the five fingers say to the face? SLAP!!!
Well in his tuesday press conference, John L. Smith showed a video that proved there were no MSU players around Weis during the melee. Weis must have been having flashbacks to the week before when the Irish were totally bitch-slapped by Michigan. Well, Charlie is definitly a fat bitch and he may be a liar, but the Irish are still beating Purdue. Winner- Notre Dame Boise State at Utah Good lord what a bunch of shitty games. This seems like a perfectly good time to tell a story from the Florida game. During the game, a kid selling cokes is walking up our aisle. We look over and the little sonofabitch is wearing a Florida hat and shirt while WORKING AT NEYLAND. So we totally rip into this kid and heckle him every time he comes through our section. We even get the entire area around us to refuse to buy a coke from him. He looked like he was going to cry. The best part was he worked our section during the Marshall game as well, and we kept heckling him relentlessly. It's always fun to make a teenager nearly cry. Oh...Boise State is 11-0 against teams currently in the Moutain West. Winner- Boise State Alabama at Florida Last week I said it might be the only week that Leak didn't need his sharting towel...damn was I wrong. There's nothing like seeing that little prick get booed at the Swamp during a 26-7 win. I'm sure The Bow's dad is putting an extra effort in the blumpkins he gives to the Legend this week. An interesting stat...Florida is 1-7 against Bama at the Swamp. I'd really love to see this game go to overtime and watch each teams shitty kicker miss kick after kick....the game could go on forever. Too bad Bama blows. Winner- Florida Oregon at Arizona State Arizona State head coach (and basis of the movie Boogie Nights) Dirk Koetter is 2-17 against ranked teams especially with Oregon looking to put Replaygate behind them. This will be your typical no-defense Pac-10 game. I can't decide if a Pac-10 defensive coordinator is the easiest or the toughest job in the world. I mean there are absolutely no expectations for you to stop anyone but how in the hell do you coach something that doesn't exist? Winner- Oregon Northwestern at Penn State I was planning to make a joke about the only thing that was running last week for Penn State was JoePa's anus but then it turns out that Tony Hunt had 135 yards on 22 carries....thanks for ruining my joke, jackass. This has to be some sort of record for coaching matchups...Joe Paterno has been coaching for 9 years longer than Wildcats' coach Pat Fitzgerald has been alive so I guess you give the Lions an edge in coaching experience. Something to think about...Penn State has won 10 straight home games going back to November 6, 2004 when they lost to........Northwestern. Yeah who gives a shit. Winner- Penn State Georgia at Ole Miss The biggest story coming out of UGA's shit performance against Colorado was who would start at QB....Cox or Stafford. In reality it doesn't matter if the Dawgs start Opie or the Pillbury Interceptionboy against Ole Miss. It won't be close regardless. So Rebs, enjoy sitting in the Grove in your red pants, drinking wine out of Solo Cups, and eating Chicken McNuggets with your "secret sauce" made from a bottle of Hidden Valley Ranch. You might win the party but no way in hell you're winning the game. Hotty Toddy, Gosh almighty, Ole Miss fucking sucks. Winner- Georgia Washington at Arizona Since beating Arizona last season (a loss that Mike Stoops calls his most embarassing moment as the Wildcats head coach...which is saying something), Washington has been 4-2. Thats a pretty good improvement from the 2-18 they were in the 20 games before that win. Be prepared for another embarrasment. Winner- Washington Ohio State at Iowa Iowa is 0-9-1 against the number 1 team in the country, and have gotten the shit kicked out of them the last 3 times. And at this point, I'm tired of coming up with jokes so it's time to wrap this shit up. Winner- Ohio State Record to date: 32-8

3 comments:

COL Reb said...

You sir are an ingrate

Cincinnati Bowtie said...

Is it just me, or does everyone picture Ole Miss fans as sounding like Foghorn Leghorn in the old Bugs Bunny cartoons?

McRiblets said...

Preach on. Fuck Georgia