Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Eleven Reasons Tennessee Sucks

Now there are countless reasons why Tennessee and anything associated with Tennessee sucks. But for the sake of brevity because our site is just too damn long, here's eleven, in no particular order, off the top of my head. Feel free to add more in the comments. 11. Al Gore, Justin Timberlake, and Shannon Doherty - If you can name three people less deserving to be celebrities, well, I'd like to see you try. 10. Blumpkination of Jonathon Crompton (JCromp) - UT has one of the top QB's in the country in terms of passing efficiency in Erik Ainge, yet some 'insiders' still want to start a redshirt freshman over Ainge. And I guarantee some of these same people mock the Florida fans that boo Chris Leak. Rockhead, thy name is VolNation. 9. Erik Ainge - If for no other reason than the spelling of his name. What is he, some kind of viking? Oh yeah, and in case you didn't know, he's Danny Ainge's nephew. Thanks Verne. 8. Current crap emitting out of Nashville - No, I'm not talking about what is currently passing for a professional football team in The Music City. I'm speaking of the pop music that is being passed off as country music. Instead of Hank Williams or Merle Haggard, Nashville is pimping groups like Big and Rich. You may be coming to my cit-tay, but you're leaving with your asses kicked. 7. Game Maxims - C'mon Tennessee fans, you people make fun of Bama fans all the time for living in the past, yet your beloved Vols still quote a dead, alcoholic coach of your own before each game. And isn't there a certain game maxim that says to 'stress the kicking game'. How's that been working for ya? 6. Pigeon Forge - A poor man's Branson. Where else are you gonna find a store that sells only Dukes of Hazzard memorabilia? 5. The Sting - I think this has been discussed ad nauseum. 4. The 'woo' in Rocky Top - Volfan38742-387 has it covered 3. Rocky Top - Does the band not know any other songs? How many other schools have a fight song about bestiality and chasin' dem cotton-pickin' revenuers off'en my land? Ain't no smoggy smoke on Rocky Top? Hell, ain't no dental care practitioners either. It's a sad, sad day when a 'prestigious' university must steal a hillbilly anthem and use it as their fight song. 2. Fulmer is really fat - While a coach's enormous waistline is normally not a reason a team sucks, Fulmer's lard ass has severely eroded smack talk. It is almost too easy, and really requires little imagination to make fun of. But on the plus side, it does make for some farking goodness. 1. Pick a shade of orange and go with it - This pisses me off to no end. Not only did Tennessee pick one hideous technicolor for the school colors (there's a reason you don't see orange cars on a new car lot, people), but they can't even decide which God awful shade to go with. Never is it more evident than on the sidelines when Fulmer's sweatshirt is about 3 shades darker than the 'T' on his cap. Everytime I see that neon color of urnge, it takes me back to the time I vomited up some bad hot wings.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Uhmmmm, Bear Bryant is still dead. Also, it is still against the law to date your mother. sb