Friday, August 25, 2006

Interview: Frogger

As part of our 2006 preview, I'll be sitting down and "chatting" with a player from each team. For the Vols, it's starting Center and Roane County uh, expatriate Michael Frogg.

Joe: Michael thanks for sitting down with us. Michael: My pleasure. Joe: You occasionally play center. Erik Ainge, your quarterback last year, has an ACT Score of 32. Doe he ever refer to QB-center exchanges with you as "tickling the ivories"? Michael: No. Joe: Last year, many Vols fans demanded that Randy Sanders be fired. In retrospect, wouldn't it have been easier to simply shoot him, in cold blood? Michael: No. That's terrible.

Joe: I know it is. But what if, like, if you had gotten one of those plastic guns, like the kind John Malkovich had in "In The Line Of Fire"? You ever see that movie? Michael: No. Joe: It's fucking badass. You should rent it. Anyway, you get your hands on 107,000 of those puppies, which should be easy to do in Knoxville, and you could let everyone in the stadium open fire on Sander’s when Kentucky comes to play. Wouldn't that have been preferable to subjecting loyal fans to another Saturday of abject pain and misery of observing a Sanders directed Offense? Michael: No. Joe: Your new coach, David Cutcliffe, has been called a "disciplinarian". But he's also from India. What's it like to play for a walking oxymoron? Michael: He is not an Indian Joe: Do fans that troll Myspace looking for player pages freak you out? Michael: Oh yes, that is weird

Joe: Sanders grew up in Morristown, you know. There's nothing up there except for trees, iron ore, and fat women. If you lived up there, wouldn't you fuck a guy just to get the clock moving forward? Michael: No. Joe: During the offseason, the Vols hired Kurt Roper to coach Running Backs. How good are you at tackling? Michael: I'm okay at it. Joe: And what about holding pass blocks for 40 seconds or longer? Michael: I'm a good pass blocker.

Joe: Fair enough. The FSU Seminoles are owned by the Bowden family. If the Noles were an entree, would they be a Taco? Michael: No. Joe: You played High School football in Roane County. You now play in Knoxville. Which city secretly hates Mexicans more? Michael: I like both cities. Joe: That's a smart answer. Very diplomatic. I'll just write down that you said, "Both cities secretly hate mexicans a lot," since we both know that's the correct answer. Michael: I did not say that. And, if you say I said that, I'll deny it. Joe: Again, very diplomatic of you. The suburban Kingston accent manages to combine the accent of a fat person from Cocke County with that of a Nashville Country Female singer. How do you cope with such a grating, horrible sound? Michael: I have no idea what you're talking about. Joe: Let's move on to another topic. You play offensive line. Does it ever bother you when the o-line coach hops on the blocking sled and rides it around, like you're his personal goddamn rickshaw driver or something? Michael: No. Joe: Your first name, Michael, is also the name of the kid from “Halloween”. Your last name, Frogg, is slang for an Amphibian. When you're Frog “gigging”, on an AggiesGators chest, do you tell her that you're "exorcising the demons"? Michael: You are insane.

Joe: Quarterbacks often get their o-lineman gifts at the end of the season, as a reward for protecting them. What did your QB's get you last year, when you failed miserably at doing so? Some Post-Its? A box of Triscuits, perhaps? Michael: We got Jenny Craig subscriptions.

Joe: Let's go back to Coach Cut. Doesn't Cut strike you as the kind of guy who would consistently fuck up a Chinese Fire Drill? You send him out to pick up Taco Bell, and he comes back with a caulk gun? Michael: No. Joe: Would you consider kissing me? Michael: No. Joe: Come on. I've been on Valtrex for three weeks now. If that's the reason for your hesitation, I can assure you the outbreak is totally under control. Michael: No.

Joe: Michael, thanks for taking time out from leaning against other heavy men to come chat with us. Michael: No problem

1 comment:

irishjihad said...

An Aggie. A Gator. haha