Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Interview with Chu McCracken's "Uncle"

As part of our 2006 preview, I'll be sitting down and chatting with Board Moderator of the The Generals Quarters, Volquest of the Rivals Network, Today, it's Alpha sheep Boy Senegal. I have used the Ron Mexico name generator to protect Boy Senegal’s true identity.

Joe: BS, thanks for taking the time to sit down with us. You don’t mind if I call you BS? Boy Senegal: No problem. Joe: I loved your efforts in Eyes Wide Shut and Red Dust. "You are shallow!" I love that. Oh, and you were great in Fear X, too. Ironic, Fear X, hmmm. How did you earn the trust of an acclaimed actor like Tom Cruise? Boy Senegal: That's Lloyd Braun. People don’t cross me and get away with it.

Joe: No need to be modest. The Vols jettisoned starting DT Tony McDaniel in the offseason. Tell me, why keep Jim Bob Cooter? Isn't he really just dead weight? Boy Senegal: Huh? Cooter? I will call my sources. I told them to get rid of him. Joe: Phil Fulmer has often been criticized for his coaching in the fourth quarter. But shouldn't he get more credit for being a shitty coach the first three quarters of a game? Boy Senegal: No. Joe: Trooper Taylor helped bring chest bumps and wearing ballcaps backwards back to the Vols. Do you think Trooper is bothered at all by Stanley Asunmu’s surplus of height? Boy Senegal: No. Joe: Is Ainge a bad drop kicker? Because QB's that can't drop kick are useless fuckers. Boy Senegal: I don't know. Joe: Are you sort of glad that Rick Clausen isn't around anymore, so you don't have to spend team meetings staring at Clausen’s hairline while pretending that you aren't? Boy Senegal: No. I don’t attend those meetings

Joe: As a Mexican, do you find it ironic that your job is essentially border control? Boy Senegal: I'm not Mexican.

Joe: I see this is a touchy issue for you. Let's move on. Jon Crompton: do you really need him? Boy Senegal: Yes. Joe: You did steroids to help heal an "elbow" injury faster. How much can your "elbow" squat now? 700? 800? Boy Senegal: It really was an elbow injury. Joe: I'll bet. How much of an improvement is David Cutcliffe over Randy Sanders? Is it sort like moving from a hovel to a shantytown? Boy Senegal: David is a good coordinator. Joe: Everyone agrees the old thick stripes on the helmets are Badass. But the Vols refuse to go back to them. What the fuck is wrong with you people? Boy Senegal: I don't know. I am just a Board Mod. Joe: I saw Coach Fulmer on TV when he was apologizing for last season. What's it like to play for a cadaver? Boy Senegal: Coach is not dead. Joe: Bret Smith: any relation to Ramar Smith? Boy Senegal: No. Joe: Because Bret provided tremendous camera work in “Pros vs Joes”. He'll be missed. Boy Senegal: No. Joe: Will you kiss me? Boy Senegal: No. Joe: Would you consider touching my meat? It won't bite. Boy Senegal: No. Joe: We could share a Meat Lover's Pizza. Boy Senegal: No. Joe: BS, thanks for taking time off from doing dead lifts with your "elbow" to come talk to us. Boy Senegal: My pleasure.

4 comments:

irishjihad said...

Your regular Barbara Walters

irishjihad said...

shoulda been 'a regular'

irishjihad said...

make that 'you ARE a regular'

Volmet said...

English really is a second language