Monday, October 23, 2006
Friday, October 20, 2006
Columbia — Bitter after being snubbed for membership in the "Axis of Evil," South Carolina, LSU and Ole Miss today announced they had formed the "Axis of Just as Evil," which they said would be way eviler than that stupid UGA, Bama and Florida Gator Axis, the Losers with Socks website warned.
Axis of Evil members, however, immediately dismissed the new axis as having, for starters, a really gay name. "Right. They are Just as Evil... in their wettest dreams!" declared Urban Meyer. "Everybody knows we're the best evils... best at being evil... we're the best."
"They told us it (Axis of Evil) was full, it’s tough to explain to our players and fans. Our school has sucked for so long (3 bowl appearances all time) and no one really respects us. Dadgumit, we have tried the “black out” (A pathetic attempt for psyching out the opponent. Typically, the Gamecocks lost both of their “blacked-out” games.), frankly we are just not that scary" said Cock Coach Steve Spurrier.
"An Axis can't have more than three schools," explained Bama Coach Mike Shula. "This is not my rule, its tradition. In World War II you had
THE AXIS PANDEMIC
National reaction to LWS’s Axis of Evil declaration was swift, as within minutes, as Southern Cal rattled it’s sabers by scoring another touchdown on
Elsewhere, peer-conscious schools rushed to gain triumvirate status in what became a game of Geo-BCS Musical chairs.
With the criteria suddenly expanded and all the desirable clubs filling up, Louisville, West Virginia, and Virginia Tech applied to be called the Axis of Schools That Aren't the Worst But Certainly Should NOT Be Asked to a BCS Bowl Game; Florida State, Miami, and Kentucky formed the Axis of Schools That Are Actually Quite Nice But Secretly Have Nasty Thoughts About Tim Tebow, while Clemson, Georgia Tech, and Vanderbilt established the Axis of Schools That Sometimes Ask Sheep to Wear Lipstick.
"That's not a threat, really, sheep are just something we like to do," said Clemson Coach Tommy Bowden.
While wondering if the other schools across the NCAA weren't perhaps making fun of them, a cautious LWS granted approval for most axes, although they rejected the establishment of the Axis of Schools Whose Names End in "State," accusing one of its members of filing a false application. Officials from
Independent Notre Dame, meanwhile, insisted it didn't want to join any Axis, but privately, School Officials said that's only because no one asked them.
Thursday, October 19, 2006
- OK, IJ knows what you're thinking. Arkansas at #7!?!? Well, IJ thinks Auburn is at least a Top 10 team(at least at this moment), and how can someone put Auburn over Arkansas after what the Hawgs did to them less than 2 weeks ago? Plus Arkansas' only loss came at the hands of USC. Even if the final score was a blowout, the game was close for over 3 quarters, with Robert Johnson as the QB. Arkansas still has to play LSU and Tennessee, both possible losses, but it's not out of the realm of possibility that they could win both of those, either. Then what would you have IJ do with them?
- LSU has been the biggest disappointment for me so far this season. They would be undefeated if Mauck was the quarterback and a bag of rocks was the coach.
- While it sucks that we'll probably never get to watch Adrian Peterson play in another college football game. IJ doesn't feel that sorry for him. He'll be resting easy sleeping on a mattress stuffed with $100 bills in a few short months.
- Georgia, we hardly knew ye. Man, getting beat by a team coached by Steve Martin must sting. Just ask the Tennessee faithful how they coped?
Phillip Fulmer has been described as "a genius," "the greatest coach to ever walk the planet," and "one handsome devil" by Vols fans. No one listens to them, though, since no one listens to ignorant hillbillies, and his reputation among those more familiar with college football and not hampered by a lifetime's worth of moonshine is far less flattering. He's known primarily for his success in recruiting the cream of the crop from our nations prisons, insane asylums, and Texas, and for being a big, fat, disgusting blob that bathes in giant tubs of Sam's Choice Imitation Velveeta to maintain his filthy hide's slimy texture.http://www.rollbamaroll.com/story/2006/10/18/121235/53
Wednesday, October 18, 2006
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
Monday, October 16, 2006
As the interview was about to begin, it seemed he was staring off at something just behind my left shoulder. Upon turning, I realized nothing was there, and that perhaps his eye had drifted off. I chalked it up to his busy schedule and proceeded. LWS: John Parker Wilson (pictured below). He has really beefed up for his role as your starting quarterback. When we last saw him as Brodie Croyle's backup, he could barely fill out a pair of half-britches and a wool vest. Now it seems his rifle arm is being shown everywhere. What was it like to touch that Joe-Willie like arm?
MS: It was spectacular. But also kind of weird. He would always come up and ask me to touch his throwing arm. Between plays, y'know? Of course I'd oblige, but he always laughed like he was high or something. LWS: Intriguing. I'm hoping for quite an extensive behind-the-scenes extra on the rumor that you are going to "turn it on" for the big Tennessee game this weekend? MS: Yes, actually. We have had a plan in place for several months just for Tennessee. We played "vanilla" for the first half of the season camouflaging our explosiveness and our complex offensive schemes. Duke, Hawaii , Vandy Ole Miss and Florida were just feints, ruses and deceptions.I gotta watch my back, MTV is pushing that Hoover guy…Rush Probst (below)…all over the local media here. Gotta make him go away. Thank God for the KeepMikeShula website. The Bama fans love it and I really don't think that they "get" it. But hey, that's OK too. Nobody is the wiser.
It was at this point that I realized he was flexing and relaxing his biceps rapidly, a coy grin vapidly sitting upon his rather wide classic visage. I glanced at his arm , and pointed my pen at it. LWS: It seems you are working out as well. Are you on a new routine? MS: I am working out. Wanna feel? I nodded, and rather prodded his right bicep with my pen. Indeed , the muscle was rock hard and bristled at the barest touch angrily. MS: Actually, it was Coach [Name Redacted] who hooked me up with these totally kick ass anabolic-androgenic steroids. After like...a week of use I could feel my ass totally firming up. I almost choked on a small sip of diet coke while he continued in an eerily non-chalant manner. MS: I wear a ton of Under Armour stuff, since Auburn wears Under Armour; I believe that through wearing Auburn gear, I can really understand how Tubberville's mind works. I need to get some of Tubberville's Click Clack.