Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Tailgating

Chicks love weiners at tailgates As you can tell from this past week, Vols fans like myself (or any SEC fan whose team isn't coached by Urban Meyer, for that matter) usually spend the three hours allotted to games in a state of seething anger. Alcohol is necessary, if not mandatory. I love the SEC, but I hate ESPN, Chris Fowler, Lou Holtz and Mark May saying something idiotic every 3.4 seconds. You're gonna need a ton of booze. So let's evaluate your tailgate options: Light beer Light beer is the standard go-to drink for 1PM games. Athletic Director Mike Hamilton is morning type guy so plan on drinking early. My only problem with light beer is that, while drinking it, I often think to myself, “It’s important to keep beer fun, relevant and in step with the changing preferences of adults who enjoy beer. Regular beer If you start the 1PM games drinking regular beer, you'll be napping by halftime of any Mike Hamilton scheduled game. Maybe that's fine with you. My only problem is the after-nap period. It's like waking up to a whole new day, and that completely ruins your shit. The whole Saturday Night on ESPN with Bob Davie thing may complicate it even further. Also consider that Notre Dame and Louisville are ESPNs darlings are enough to begin drinking Mezcal. Wine No wine during a day game. That's for pussies. Mixed drinks Out of the question, unless your working a piece of tail.. Same with champagne. Now let's do a quick run through the rest: Scotch Yes, please. Irish Whiskey Well, if you insist. Bourbon Totally. Bourbon makes my meast firm up. Tequila No. Might help dealing with Lou Holtz and his spitting issues. Gin BRAHHHHH! Mezcal Only if you're dying and want to finish yourself off. Or listen to Bob Davie Mota Completely depends on who you are. It is not for me, but there are some hippies out there. Studies indicate that Weed improves soccer and NASCAR viewing Cocaine/Heroin/Meth/Paint Huffing/Crack I think if these are on your to-do list, football is not a priority for you. Even for Gator fans.

5 comments:

big d said...

a two-story funnel often helps the tailgating process as well. beer helmets are optional as well

Lloyd Braun said...

Diet Coke for me.

Lloyd Braun said...

Big D. U Da Man

big d said...

i was wondering where your maiden-loving ass had wondered off too

Anonymous said...

There's some funny stuff on here. Best of luck.