Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Interview with a Legend

As part of our 2006 preview, I'll be sitting down and chatting with a poster from Volquest part of the Rivals Network, The Generals Quarters (TGQ). Today, it's 2nd string sheep Captain Kidd (an alias). Captain Kidd is famous (notorious) for such phrases as “kiddies”, “romper room” and “back to the sandbox”.

Joe: Captain Kidd, thanks for taking the time to sit down with me. Captain Kidd: No problem. Joe: My buddy banged your favorite moderator. Were you aware of that? Captain Kidd: No. Joe: Apparently, he loves Excel spreadsheets and meaningless data. My friend said that, for a Mexican guy like him, nailing a spreadsheet builder was a triumph on par with swimming the Rio Grande River. Would you agree with that statement? Captain Kidd: No. Joe: Dukecrewsfan/Volnavyman posted copyrighted information from Volquest on Gridscape and then claimed it as his own work. How much blame do you personally take for that? Captain Kidd: What? That guy was off of his damn meds, you punk. Joe: So you acknowledge that you weren't there responsible for his actions? Captain Kidd: I don’t post on Gridscape. Joe: I see this is a touchy subject, so I'll move on. You often post in support of in support of other alpha-sheep, even though you really don’t have anything of consequence to say.. Is it true that when John Majors was a teenager, you taught him to shake twice before he zips it up?

Captain Kidd: No. Joe: They made a movie of it, you know. Starring Johnny Depp. Pirates of the Carribbean. Remember that? Captain Kidd: That wasn't me. Joe: Urban Meyer, Florida’s new coach, used to coach at Bowling Green. Is it true you are incapable of original thoughts? Captain Kidd: I have my role on the board and I am ready to whip your ass now. Joe: I mean, is it more like you are member of a church congregation and just say “amen” often? Captain Kidd: I coined the phrase Sandbox Groupies, does that count? Joe: Fans around Knoxville were ecstatic when Jon Crompton finally returned from injury late last year. Do you hope Crompton somehow starts a lot of games next year? If expectations plummet and people go wild on the Generals Quarters, will you participate in a board meltdown call for Cutcliffee’s head on a pike?

Captain Kidd: I'm here to back up my alpha-sheep and be ready to flame at any moment. Believe me when I say this, I am a rockhead. Joe: Your Board is nicknamed the "The Generals Quarters". Does that mean this board is depreciated? Captain Kidd: I don't think so. Joe: The Vols signed QB Nick Stephens in the offseason. Do you own a computer? And a follow-on, do you wear an eyepatch when you post? Captain Kidd: Yes to both questions Joe: At the Quarters, most of you post whatever you wish, any off topic post is OK. What's it like to be one of those insufferable ass hats who has everything go their way? Captain Kidd: It's all right, I guess. Joe: Randy Sanders: worst coach, or worstest coach? Captain Kidd: Kentucky sucks and so does this interview.

Joe: But you did support Randy Sanders. Were you aware that David Cutcliffe uses gel in his hair every day? Doesn't that make him a better coach than Randy Sanders, who merely towel dries his hair look like a little pussy? Captain Kidd: I guess. Joe: Jonathan Wade plays for your team. Are you aware that Wade has repeatedly fucked me sideways in getting burned on deep out patterns year after year after year? Captain Kidd: No. Joe: Well, he did. He's a fucker. The next Gibril Wilson, my ass. Captain Kidd: I think Wade is great. Joe: You lost Tight end Lee Smith in the offseason. When you lose a player that unproven, how does the team adjust? Captain Kidd: I miss the old days when we just covered that shit up. You know, like a cat covers up shit? Joe: That's perfect. You're a mildly attractive man and I'm fairly drunk. May I kiss you? Captain Kidd: No. Joe: Captain Kidd, thanks a lot for stepping away from the keyboard and talking to us today. Captain Kidd: You're welcome. NOTE: Captain Kidd is an alias. It took much coaxing and cajoling to lure him away from the herd. He does not have an eyepatch or a pegleg


Smokybonz said...

Who are you? What do you want from us?

cajun said...

To funny, is Captain Kidd piratelooksatmyscrotum?

This damn thing is ball busting funny

Anonymous said...

I always liked Lloyd's posts. He was lumped in with some numbskulls, but his posts never ventured into vulgarity and he was always very funny. Sad to see he was blacklisted.