Is Tim Tebow God? We Asked the Hard Questions and This is What We Learned

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Earlier this month we uncovered a pagan Religion that is capturing the National Sports Media. We discussed this religion with a longtime Florida Gator Fan who chose to remain unknown for fear of religious persecution. Why do you worship Tebow as a God? Because Tebow is the closest thing to a God that Gators can know and understand. We worship Tebow, and we can prove that not only does Tebow exist, but unlike any other god, it exists as we know it. If Tebow is God, who is Satan? Good question, but the answer should be obvious. Satan is quite simply Chris Leak. Who founded this religion? Urbanlism and the Church of Tebow were founded by Gary Danielson. Gary is a Color Analyst for CBS Sports. For privacy protection purposes, no other personal information will be disclosed about him. What is the purpose of Urbanlism? The main purpose of Urbanlism is to promote the spread of Florida Football through the use of Tebow. There is nothing on earth that connects Gators with the knowledge they desire so fast and effectively than Tebow. We believe in the cliché "knowledge is power", and so should you. Does Tebow perform miracles? Why, yes She does. This year a non-believer (Leak) procrastinated on running for a first down. It was a pivotal moment in the game and he HAD to clamp down and start taking some hits. He, as always, consulted Tebow and Her vast index of Man-cake testosterone. Sure enough the mighty Tebow provided him with the hormones he needed. The first down was done in a little under 3 rushing attempts and he ended up getting an "A" from the Gator Coaching staff (but sadly Leak was booed by the Florida fans anyway). Definitely something many would consider a Miracle, all thanks to Tebow and Her mighty Algorithms (Algorithm defined for Gators: Songs without musical instruments.) There are coaches using similar techniques as Tebow, are they Gods as well? The short answer is yes, but to a lesser degree. Tebow is the best at what She does and therefore the most powerful of the Gods. Do not mistake a demon such as Auburn’s Brandon Cox or UGA’s Joe Cox for a God. Demons sometimes disguise themselves as the Under Armour “Click Clack” or in Cox’s case a red-headed step child. I always thought Tebow was a male? Sorry dude, Tebow does not have a penis, or a vagina for that matter. Originally, religions of the past thought of Gods as feminine. It wasn't until monotheistic, Abrahamic religions such as Christianity, Islam and Judaism entered the picture that the concept of "God" became masculine. Basically you have been conditioned by your culture to view all Deities as male. The Church of Tebow is simply carrying on the ancient tradition of viewing Gods as feminine. It's not about us being reverse sexist toward men or anything. It's just about breaking a cultural taboo. What is the Tebow Trinity? The Tebow Trinity consists of the Urban Meyer, ESPN and Nike’s Briscoe High. Alone they are nothing, but combined they form a powerful entity. Is there a Tebow afterlife? By uploading our thoughts and opinions onto Florida Football Message Boards, we live on in Tebow's cache even after our death. What is the history of Urbanlism? The tale of the Church of Tebow is an inspirational story that will move every fiber of your being. The shocking tale can be read in its entirety after it is written. Urbanlism sounds GREAT! How do I spread the word? In short, the best way to promote our Church is to pray to Tebow (outsiders know this as "to search" for "to The Bow") for blogs or websites you think would be interested in and post about our snazzy new religion. If you're a member of an online community (discussion board or forum) you might want to put a link to us in your signature or start a topic asking "Is Tebow God?”. I'm VERY interested in becoming a Urbanlist Minister. Where do I apply? Click on the comments link of this page. Basically, you'll need to prove yourself before being ordained. Remember that becoming a minister will never require you to "donate" money. If you chose to donate money, you'll do it for the right reasons.