As the interview was about to begin, it seemed he was staring off at something just behind my left shoulder. Upon turning, I realized nothing was there, and that perhaps his eye had drifted off. I chalked it up to his busy schedule and proceeded. LWS: John Parker Wilson (pictured below). He has really beefed up for his role as your starting quarterback. When we last saw him as Brodie Croyle's backup, he could barely fill out a pair of half-britches and a wool vest. Now it seems his rifle arm is being shown everywhere. What was it like to touch that Joe-Willie like arm?
MS: It was spectacular. But also kind of weird. He would always come up and ask me to touch his throwing arm. Between plays, y'know? Of course I'd oblige, but he always laughed like he was high or something. LWS: Intriguing. I'm hoping for quite an extensive behind-the-scenes extra on the rumor that you are going to "turn it on" for the big Tennessee game this weekend? MS: Yes, actually. We have had a plan in place for several months just for Tennessee. We played "vanilla" for the first half of the season camouflaging our explosiveness and our complex offensive schemes. Duke, Hawaii , Vandy Ole Miss and Florida were just feints, ruses and deceptions.I gotta watch my back, MTV is pushing that Hoover guy…Rush Probst (below)…all over the local media here. Gotta make him go away. Thank God for the KeepMikeShula website. The Bama fans love it and I really don't think that they "get" it. But hey, that's OK too. Nobody is the wiser.
It was at this point that I realized he was flexing and relaxing his biceps rapidly, a coy grin vapidly sitting upon his rather wide classic visage. I glanced at his arm , and pointed my pen at it. LWS: It seems you are working out as well. Are you on a new routine? MS: I am working out. Wanna feel? I nodded, and rather prodded his right bicep with my pen. Indeed , the muscle was rock hard and bristled at the barest touch angrily. MS: Actually, it was Coach [Name Redacted] who hooked me up with these totally kick ass anabolic-androgenic steroids. After like...a week of use I could feel my ass totally firming up. I almost choked on a small sip of diet coke while he continued in an eerily non-chalant manner. MS: I wear a ton of Under Armour stuff, since Auburn wears Under Armour; I believe that through wearing Auburn gear, I can really understand how Tubberville's mind works. I need to get some of Tubberville's Click Clack.