Shula Blinks. What Would Bear Do? (WWBD)

Paul Finebaum smokes Mikey Shula in an article regarding in-house discipline actions related to Tide LB Juwan Simpson . As always, Finebaum provides cutting edge commentary laced with hard satire. Simpson really could not have asked for a ice cone as punishment? Finebaum has to be making shit up again. Here is the quote from the story:

If that wasn't bad enough, there was his (Simpson) equally mortifying demonstration of haughtiness a few weeks ago when asked what kind of penalty he deserved, and he said, "I'd give myself an ice cone."

Please tell me Mikey did not give Simpson an ice cone for marijuana and weapons charges. I think that a Little Debbie Swisscake Rolls would be more appropriate. A ice cone will melt and think of the mess. Is this about dessert? Is this over Blue Bell versus Little Debbie? Should Shula, always know as a hard core disciplinarian, sharted on the prestigious and unblemished reputation of the Capstone? I must ask: Is Bear Bryant still alive? Is he living under witness protection (with Elvis and JFK) and directing the Football Program's direction using Mal Moore as puppet? Perhaps Finebaum can uncover this mystery.