"Ask him how many arms he's had to regrow after ripping them off to beat his runningbacks when they underperform."
UM: Our backs suck. If I am using Harvin, things suck.
LWS: Well, lets try Irishjihad,
"Does he weep after a Bob Tebow-administered blumpkin?"
UM: I cry often, happy or sad. Bob "Blumpkin" Tebow makes me feel both happy and sad and a little dirty
LWS: Coach, I am not a bit shocked by that response Coach. On to the next question from ZZGator.
"Does he really hate Chris Leak?"
UM: As reported by this website, I indeed hate Chris Leak. I love it when I call the option and he shits himself. He hates being hit and I hate watching him slide or run out of bounds to avoid contact. He is a pussy.
LWS: A little harsh on Leak, Coach?
UM: He is what he is...A Nancy..
LWS: Next question is from TeethInc.
"Does he really have us practice in Jorts?"
UM: What the fuck is wrong with you Teeth? You call yourself a Gator fan and ask a dumbass question like that? Of course we do, Jorts are required travel attire for away games. I don't want anyone thinking we are one of those other Florida schools. Jorts are our signature. OK? Next question.LWS: Wow, this is good stuff Coach, here is one from Ed: "Can your players read?" UM: Ed, not all of them. Chris Leak can't read a lick. You ever listen to him speak? He needs subtitles. LWS: Next question is from Zookster "Does he like using my recruits?" UM: Fuck you Ron. If you were half the coach I am, you would still be here instead of fucking up Illinois. It was said that the cupbard was full when I got here. So thanks a lot. BTW, where did you leave the offensive lineman? I need a couple. I will say this, in my innovative and dynamic Spread Option Offense, Offensive Lineman are optional. That is why I recruit 10-15 wide receivers in each class. LWS: Next is a question from trahstae ("eat shart" backwards) "Has Urban ever been President of Peru?" UM: Another dumbass question, where did you find these tools? In Peru, I was the leader of the Maoist Group known as the Shining Path. Next. LWS: From Everyday Should Be Saturday's Orson: "Does he prefer Hellmans or Kraft Mayo?" UM: Hellman's, asswipe. It is a fucking macho mayo, Hell- Man? Really easy stuff here. LWS: McRad has 2 part question: "Boxers or briefs?" and "Jorts or Bermudas" UM: I freeball and this guy is obviously not a Gator, Jorts all day. I sleep and bang in Jorts. Ask Tebow's dad, he knows LWS: Here is a good one, a question that a lot of people want to hear the answer. gymgator asked: "What's the best detergent to use to get out shart stains?" UM: My staff is working hard to find something. Chris Leak is absolutely destroying my uniform budget sharting 2 maybe 3 times a game. I have gone to making him wear Depends Underwear. But he always exceeds the structural limits of the diaper. To answer the question, nothing works. LWS: Mike Shula wants to know: "How did you punish your players during the AK-47 incident? I used Ice Cream and it has worked out really well." UM: First Mike, your a dumb ass too. I sweep my problems under the carpet. Pretend they don't happen and it works out fine. I have a Leadership Council among the players, comprised of my most illiterate players. Using ice cream, nice touch Mike. I hope your player is on the field. Two more questions and I got to go LWS: Let me pick a couple of good ones then. Here we go, HGator,