BATON ROUGE - The special Monday at the LSU press luncheon was "Grilled Les," as LSU football coach Les Miles got question after question about why he stuck with a running game that was stuck throughout the Tigers' 7-3 loss to
QUESTION: Coach, considering the struggles your offense had in the game, at what point do you start to consider getting away from your running game and going to more speed and passing? MILES: "Well I think we considered really all facets there. I don't think it has to do necessarily with the guy that's carrying the ball. I think it's a number of factors. There's more to it than just the guy." COMMENT: Ah...There's Les Miles's voice. He tosses off a couple of mentions of the facets and factors related to Offensive production, and then declares this luncheon to be the "Zero Spin" zone. He follows with some bits I heard him do on ESPN , about all 3 of his QBs quarterbacks creating zero net jobs, about pass protection even if Urban Meyer "doesn't get it," and offers to throw bologna at a stripper's ass. C'mon, Les, this is your show. Be your own host.
QUESTION: At what point do you start focusing more on your passing game than your running game because it seems like your best weapons are in the passing game? MILES: "Well, if we show up and throw the ball every down, I bet we get some different pass rush. The best thing that will allow us to throw the football effectively is to make them (the passes) out of the run. And we're going to always push the ball at them on the ground. There are certain times in the game where you must control the ball on the ground , and we have two good backs. We just have to get them loose and let them make plays for us." COMMENT: An unexpected phone call from cuddly Steve Spurrier, who's calling from his radio show. If I were a nerd, this would be a joke about a tear in the fabric of the space-time continuum. But since I'm not that smart, I'll just mention that Spurrier and Les wistfully recount a sweaty, confusing night they spent camping in the shadow of the Ben Hill Griffin Stadium in 1988. QUESTION: In a game-to-game basis, do you ever see yourself just ditching the running game? MILES: "Not me. I believe too strongly in it, and there are times when you're going to have to run the ball." COMMENT: Got up, had another cup of coffee and a nice cheese Danish. Steve Spurrier (yes , he's STILL TALKING) is prattling on about this Rogers Redding person (Southeastern Conference coordinator of football officials), blown calls leading to lost football games, and Ed Orgeron's supposed addiction to anal beads the size of regulation Rawlings baseballs.
QUESTION: Seeing the ease in which JaMarcus operates in in the two-minute offense , was there any thought to moving towards that that earlier in the game? Is there any thought of maybe running no huddle with this team to see how well and proficient he works in it? MILES: "We look at no huddle just about on a weekly basis until we have the opportunity to go to that. It would not necessarily change play call. Play calls would be the same. We talk about the pros and cons of that almost weekly. But two minute has its purpose. The percentage play is to make your opponent defend both run and pass on as many downs and distances as you can. That allows you to have a numbers advantage when you choose to run or pass. And so, no. I'm answering an abandoning the run feel from that question. And we're not going to abandon the run." COMMENT: I'm starting to contemplate the important metaphysical questions, such as "Could I possibly be more bored right now? Like , maybe if I found a can of paint and left it in that can in its liquid form and stared at the paint in the can, while listening to a CD of Urban Meyer Recruiting Pitches, would I actually achieve a higher plane of boredom?" Ed Orgeron. Anal beads. Ed Orgeron. Anal beads. Quite a mantra. QUESTION: I have another abandon the run question, and I was saying this before the game. This is not a hindsight is 20-20 thing. In looking at the film did you notice a few times that there were some holes provided by your offensive line and the backs didn't get there quick enough? MILES: "I don't know that that was the case as far as quickness. I think a cut or two could have been second-guessed. And I think a cut or two and a block by the fullback. I think a back side technique by an offensive lineman on a couple of occasions or a front side technique by an offensive lineman on a couple of occasions, or a tight end really doesn't have the width in his approach. I just kind of gave you whatever number of opportunities there that we probably -- had we done those things -- may have had another 70 yards of rushing offense. COMMENTARY: Unidentified Possibly-Female reporter asks Miles if he regrets calling Tommy Tubberville a "Jack Ass" for trying to run up the score. She's not long for her reporting gig if she's going to continually cock-blocks Miles's and from affectionately ass-fucking him by injecting topicality into the show. I'm pretty sure it's a woman. Could be a drag queen. I'm going to hold off touching myself until I figure it out. QUESTION: Is it easier to pass block than run block? MILES: "Well the old knowledge says that it's harder to man up and pass block than it is to run block. I can tell you that you have to stay after the rush. You have to grow and allow that to come of age on your team. That's the process that we're in."
COMMENT: For those who find the pathetic management of a football too tragic to laugh at (pussies), I proudly present to you Ole Miss.
QUESTION: Philosophically, why do coaches believe the running game makes the passing game? Why not make the passing game make the running game?
MILES: "Right now, that's where we're at. Everybody's packed up , really defending the pass against us. So the opportunities to run the football should gain some good dividends or a lot of yards, either way. It's just as simply put as this: If they know what you're going to do before you do it, they can defend it a little better than if they don't know. If they have to defend both run and pass on a number of downs and distances, then they have a difficult time putting their players in their right spots."
COMMENT: I catch a snippet to the effect of "Urban Meyer" would lie about what kind of pancake is his “favorite," and then with peals of laughter. Of course, they are discussing Meyer's breakfast preferences. Meyer reportedly showed a demented Chris Leak a package of adult undergarments, which the addled Leak hilariously misidentified as a SEC Sanctioned Sharting Towel.
QUESTION: One last question about the running game. Why don't you run more out of the three- or four-wide receiver sets that spread a defense instead of the bunch formations?
MILES: "We did that several times. In two instances, we had 5-yard penalties. We just never got it going."
COMMENT: Gone are the motivational press conferences of the truly mediocre Gerry DiNardo. While he may be a disciple of the Bo Schembecler, Les will soon learn that he's a long way from