Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Vols Travelling to Memphis. Advice Received via an Email

Thanks again for the TIP Jogle and VolBoy7 from Volquest (1) Do not ever travel south of Park or north of Summer. (2) Do not attempt to see what's across the tracks from the Liberty Bowl. (3) Do not tell anyone that they have nice rims. (4) Do not expect the Memphis police to be helpful in any way, even if you are being mugged in front of them. (5) Feel free to drink and drive, the only way you will get pulled over is if you are blaring porn on the multiple TV's in the headrests of your Escalade. (6) North Parkway and South Parkway runs east to west. East Parkway runs north to south. Stay off Airways, Lamar and Martin Luther King. (7) If staying in or near Germantown, be prepared to be harassed by the local police at least twice. (8) Yes, Cordova is the cheesiest five mile stretch in the Western world. If you like everything franchised, you will be in heaven. (9) Do not shop at Hickory Ridge Mall. Ever. If shopping at Oak Court, take your gun. (10) Actually, take your gun everywhere, including church, the bar, and the game. (11) Everything you have heard about Memphis is true. Do not trust the local polticians and city officials, Downtown in not safe after dark. Finally, just go to Tunica.

4 comments:

Memphis Volunteer said...

This helpful advice is nothing more than veiled racism used to perpetuate statewide stereotypes against my town. 90% of the things referenced in this article can be applied to any other major urban city and the other 10% is contrived horseshit. plus it aint funny and has nothing to do with the game. Volunteers should show class, and respect their opponent (before AND after kicking their collective asses). This is what makes the Orange Nation different, right? Right?

Anonymous said...

I left Memphis near 20 years ago and this advice remains absolutely dead-on accurate. I don't know from racism or Volunteer fans. I just know truth when I see it. "Stay off Airways" oughta be some hipster band's name.

Memphis Volunteer said...

a compelling argument, sir. you don't live here, you didn't comprehend my post, and you have shitty taste in band names. very compelling indeed.

memphistiger said...

As a Tiger fan, I can't believe I'm agreeing with a Vol, but memphis volunteer hit it on the head. Why don't you you folks from Knoxvegas load up the pickup after the game and drive about 5 minutes down Central after the game, toward the U of M...take a left and drive through Chickasaw Gardens. You'll see exactly how "shitty" multi-million dollar neighborhoods are around there, idiot.

The only thing he got right was the Cordova comment...that's pretty much dead-on.