Tuesday, September 05, 2006

Chris Fowler Super-Nemesis

As I was reviewing The Generals Quarters, looking for a lively debate on what stripes our game pants have or whether the Vols should go with a thin or thick stripe on the helmet, the phone rings. Since returning from Atlanta and trying to interview ESPN’s Chris Fowler, I have been receiving several crank calls. I decided to let the machine catch this call. Here is what happened next… Answering Machine: [beeps] You've reached the corporate offices of Loser With Socks Blog. Please leave a message and one of our customer care associates will return your call during regular business hours. [beeps] [a pause, then another beep] Unless you are Uma Thurman, in which case you know what number to call, please stop toying with me, uh, I mean us. [beeps] Chris Fowler: I know you're there. Who are you kidding? Pick up the phone. Joe: Fowler? What the hell? Fowler: You know what? You still haven't reviewed my performance from last week’s College Gameday on your Blog. And if you say neither has anyone in America, I'll ruin you like I did Peyton Manning and Trev Alberts. Joe: I'd never say that. I haven't watched your metro-sexual ass on television in ages. Fowler: I saw you in Atlanta last week. You did not take time to watch me in action? I sat away from Corso. He is a lot like Holtz, he spits when he is excited. Joe: Didn't you hear the answering machine message? Uma wouldn't speak to me unless I avoided that mess you call a Sports Show. Fowler: Well, This whole super-nemesis thing really isn't going to work out if you aren't staying current on my work. Joe: I was there for the pre-game party, wasn't that enough? Fowler: No. Joe: Well, are you staying current on my work? Fowler: Of course, and I'm not sure I approve of this whole Chris Leak Sharts thing. Joe: He has a bowel control problem while running the option. It's good that Urban keeps him on his toes, though. Fowler: And what's up with not mentioning me in your other interviews? Joe: You are a damn drunk, a wine drinking drunk to top it off. Then you constantly are sticking your finger in peoples faces because you are convinced that that you are responsible for the hiring of Granny Holtz. Like it was a genius move to bring that dufus on board. To replace Trev Alberts? Really, Trev was stupid but at least his brain still functions Fowler: Don't call Holtz “Granny”, I hate that shit. Joe: I'll make a deal with you. Lose that nipple ring you got Key West, stop posing in ESPN the Magazine all splayed out on the couch like an embroidered Home Sweet Home throw pillow, and I'll lay off the Granny shit. Fowler: If being your super-nemesis is going to create these petty insults... Joe: I can't exactly afford a big laser beam to slice you in half while I cackle, so the cheap shots are staying for now. Fowler: I'm going. I am hanging up. Joe: You're headed straight for the website to see if I posted a review. You are such a pussy Fowler… [Dial tone.]

1 comment:

irishjihad said...

I thought we were big time. Shouldn't some guy in a non air-conditioned warehouse in India be anwering our phones.