Courtesy of FireMarkMay.com; Coach O it has Begun

I spit up Mountain Dew.

Coach Orgeron is a Poor Man's Ron Zook; Wild boys fallen far from glory" – Duran Duran

(Bring him home Pete Boone, Bring him Home) Pete Boone is covering his ass. What do cat's do Pete Boone? They cover their shit. Pete, it's OK to make mistakes. The American Sports Public is very forgiving if you just say you are sorry. Don't get me wrong, I don't want Coach O to leave Ole Miss. He is a source of never-ending stupid shit/comments/myth/legend/lore. If you do fire O, Bring the real Zook home. You can afford him and I bet he will be available.

(a reprint from a previous article from LWS) Some will never associate the word "Great" with jamming one's pecker in a tailpipe or blowing one's ass into five pieces with a firecracker. Certainly, Ed Ogeron doesn't strike anyone as brilliant when he first appeared on the Ole Miss sideline in 2005. How about the time when he exited the practice field complaining about the importance of getting out of a Port-O-Potty before tipping it on its side. Coach O's purpose is to provide experience in life lessons. Important things like: Don't wipe your dick on your girlfriend's curtains in front of her mom; don't eat road kill off the road on the way to work; don't shoot yourself in the crotch with a BB gun to see if it will hurt. The kind of lessons that his Dad never got around to teaching him. There is so much to take away from the misadventures of one man.

Cutcliffe's Rebels résumé — the 44-29 record, the four bowl appearances in six seasons — never looked as good as it does now. Many Ole Miss followers still wonder what the program would be like if he'd never been shown the door.

Boone believes a large portion of the problems can be attributed to the recruiting efforts of former coach David Cutcliffe, who was fired in December 2004. As a result, Boone said, the Rebels are young and have depth problems.

"There's a reason you have a coaching change," Boone said. "I think what we're seeing now is that the recruiting the past few years of the previous group was not very good. I knew that. It was not a surprise to me. I just want to go back, to 2003, our glory years. WTF was I thinking?"

The Rebels are 1-3 for the second straight season and play No. 10 Georgia on Saturday at 8. Ed Orgeron is 4-11 with the Rebels and 1-8 in Southeastern Conference play.

Boone said the only thing that has surprised him is the fact Ole Miss hasn't improved since the first game. But he said it's a long season and no one is more disappointed in the start than Orgeron, who "puts so much pressure on himself. The man is ticking time bomb. I keep waiting for him to show up to work with an assault rifle, flip flops, wearing a bathrobe and full face camo paint. He scares me."

Every Game Counts: Vol Wide Receiver, Robert Meachem says connection and family are the glue for this year’s UT team.

The comments are going to be gloriously sick on this guy's blog. Every Game Counts: Vol Wide Receiver, Robert Meachem says connection and family are the glue for this year’s UT team.

Analysis of the Bama Florida Game provided by KeepMikeShula.com

While the national media drools over Florida and the local media's love resides at "the school down the road", Alabama is quietly improving week to week. None of the media wants to bring up the shellacking that Bama put on the Gators last year. The reason is because deep down, the people who really know football, know it could happen again. Alabama is coming into this game off a loss in a game they dominated against Arkansas, while Florida has struggled in games with mediocre competition. With word leaking from Tuscaloosa, that 2nd year phenom Jimmy Johns is in line to receive the bulk of the carries, look for Bama to surprise the "experts" on Saturday. Compare this years Bama team to last, and you will see that there is noticeable improvement at quarterback, offensive line & receiver. Look for Bama to open up the offense with some more downfield passing to take advantage of some of Florida's slower corners. For the rest of this indepth and insightful article click here

Some Butt Nuggets and Air Biscuits. A reader requested a quick site update

Explain this to me. SI reports that Notre Dame can reach a BCS Bowl for a second straight year without beating a ranked opponent. USC is the only forecasted top ten team remaining. It is a forgone conclusion that the Irish will receive a Michigan-esqe ass whipping in Los Angeles and still receive an at-large BCS Bowl berth. This is criminal. Brent and Beano fap-fap quietly. Coach Ed Orgeron, it must appear that we have a hardon for you. We don't, we really don't you just keeping on doing stupid shit and we will write about. Ole Miss fans, please explain why Pete Boone fired Cutcliffe. You arrogant pricks are now 4-11 under that batshit crazy loon. Coach Cutt on the other hand, appears to have fixed Tennessee's offense. From 90 to 30 in total offense. Pete Boone, Please do not fire Coach O. He is a poor man's Ron Zook. A couple of notes on the Blog:

• 5 weeks old and over 56K in hits
• IJ has pissed off EDSBS in a flame war (Roll Tide this week)
• We have pissed off the Rivals Network somehow
• Deadspin has picked up our Blog 4-5 times now. Is that a jewel? Or is there something bigger in Sports Blog Satire?
• Florida still sucks. Jorts, Mullets, Sharting, Mota and Blumpkins are the rage in GainesvilleJortsville.
• Urban Meyer is winning with Ron Zook's recruits
• Proven facts that ESPN (sux), Knoxville, Memphis and other media read this Blog. We must be doing something right
• TCU is no longer "the fly in the ointment" Now we just need Louisville to go away

The Wizard of Odds: Queer Eyes for the Buckeyes

The Wizard of Odds: Queer Eyes for the Buckeyes

Vinny Calls for an Upset.

(Notice there are no women in this pic?) Last season Iowa went on the road to Ohio State and were destroyed, beaten to a bloody pulp, you could hardly make out their yellow pants the blood was so heavy. But this year it will be the silver britches that will get beat up. Watch for the Hawkeyes to pull the upset over the media darlings OSU and become a major factor in the Big Eleven championship race. A geightor blog

Please Pete Boone Do Not Fire This Man

Coach Ed Orgeron continues to provide new and fresh material (thanks for the tip Jeaux Bleaux) Hit it

Coach O still having Issues. Why was David Cutcliffe Fired Wails Billy Brewer

Hotty toddy, gosh almighty, what has happened to Ole Miss? After winning with regularity under Billy Brewer, Tommy Tuberville and David Cutcliffe, the Rebels are floundering in their second season under Ed Orgeron. Ole Miss has won just four of 15 games under Orgeron entering Saturday’s game against Georgia, including lopsided losses the last three weeks to Missouri (34-7), Kentucky (31-14 ) and Wake Forest (27-3). I hope Orgeron never leaves. He is a source of never ending humor, myths, rumors and legends.

Beano "The Hoff" Cook and Brent "Woody" Musburger Throw Down

ABC and ESPN have turned Beano Cook and Brent Musburger in wildly-popular personalities. Their talent to capture the hearts and minds of their viewers is undeniable. The in-depth analysis below—based on ten whole minutes of research on EDSBS, Deadspin, Google, The Wizard of Odds the Urban Dictionary, and Wikipedia—asks the BIG question: “Who would win in a fight?” After you read our assessment, we'd like to know what you think: Carroll Hoff "Beano" Cook Height: 5'10" Weight: est. 285lbs Born: September 1, 1931 (Coincidently the same day that Paul "Bear" Bryant opens his infamous 10-day football mini-camp in Junction, Texas: The Junction Boys). Education: B.A. from the University of Pittsburgh in 1954. Strengths:

• Nicknamed at the age of seven from a neighbor in Pittsburgh, a reference to Cook's flatulence “issues”.

• Developed the “Perfect Storm” Tailgate Kit. First person in recorded history to use Penis Floss as an offensive and defensive weapon on the contiguous battlefield. • Same middle name as the famous Baywatch actor: Know in Germany as The Hoff • Fire-in-the-Belly: Musburger is holding Beano down; Musburger’s Man Crushes are much more publicized. Anyone remember the A.J. Hawk love-fest from the Fiesta Bowl? Weaknesses: • His legendary flatulence problems can be debilitating to Beano (and his foe) • Insanely Afraid of the JoePa: This would be difficult for Musburger to exploit, he’s crafty. • Still has a panniculus ( could also be a strength) Brent Woody Musburger Height: est.6’2” Weight: est. 180lbs. Born: May 26, 1939 (Shares a birthday with Hank Williams Jr.) in Portland, Oregon Education: Unknown Strengths: • Amateur Herpetologist; once reversed constricted a 10 foot Python. The enormous snake died within 10 minutes trapped in Musburger’s deadly coils. •Has a game named for him. •Athletic: Rumored to have two penises. Hence the middle name “Woody” Weaknesses: • Predictability: Musburger telegraphs his moves ahead of time. Ask Pete Carroll. • Complacency: Musburger is on top right now and may rely on his recent success to heavily. He may underestimate Beano, which would be a huge mistake. Bottom Line: Both Brent and Beano would bring a lot to the match. Brent is crafty, agile, and may have two penises. He’s certainly the people’s favorite, but not by an incredibly huge margin. Plus, Musburger has been know to have hallucinations about grappling small woodland creatures, he might not be very good at fighting. Beano has the weight, reach, experience, fire in the big belly, and the power of God on his side. Plus, if he fights as he is losing his man-crush Jimmy Clausen (pictured below) to another person, it’s a lock. Big Ten Homers know fighting; it’s what they do. Prediction: Brent (the underdog), by split decision…with Beano contesting the results of the votes.

Vols Travelling to Memphis. Advice Received via an Email

Thanks again for the TIP Jogle and VolBoy7 from Volquest (1) Do not ever travel south of Park or north of Summer. (2) Do not attempt to see what's across the tracks from the Liberty Bowl. (3) Do not tell anyone that they have nice rims. (4) Do not expect the Memphis police to be helpful in any way, even if you are being mugged in front of them. (5) Feel free to drink and drive, the only way you will get pulled over is if you are blaring porn on the multiple TV's in the headrests of your Escalade. (6) North Parkway and South Parkway runs east to west. East Parkway runs north to south. Stay off Airways, Lamar and Martin Luther King. (7) If staying in or near Germantown, be prepared to be harassed by the local police at least twice. (8) Yes, Cordova is the cheesiest five mile stretch in the Western world. If you like everything franchised, you will be in heaven. (9) Do not shop at Hickory Ridge Mall. Ever. If shopping at Oak Court, take your gun. (10) Actually, take your gun everywhere, including church, the bar, and the game. (11) Everything you have heard about Memphis is true. Do not trust the local polticians and city officials, Downtown in not safe after dark. Finally, just go to Tunica.

Rumor Mill on Coach O

Unconfirmed rumors being posted on Scout and Memphis Boards. As Follows:

inside scoop on the alleged restraining order by his dentist neighbor after the ruckus over the broken window incident? OM board trying to play it down but still----. You would think he has enough problems with his fb team. further reports indicate the neighbor is a well established booster who has pull. reportedly the ad and pres both arrived at the booster's home within 20 minutes of the alleged O/booster confrontation which involved lots of namecalling and shouting.

More to follow

Memphis Coach says: I Helped Coach O to Erect the Memphis Fence

[LWS was able to interview Memphis Tiger Head Coach Tommy West. The Tigers tangle with the Tennessee Volunteers this Saturday.]

The following interview between Tommy West and LWS took place “outside the wire” near Memphis TN, on September 24, 2006. “Outside the Wire” is defined as outside of the fence that surrounds the City of Memphis. Ed Orgeron, who bragged he'd erect a "fence around Memphis" for recruiting, but after the last two seasons, he'd be better off trying to build a fence around Oxford.

(A shot of the Memphis City Limits as of 9/24/06)

LWS: Coach, firstly thanks for giving us your time. I know it’s hard for you to get out and away from the fence.

Tommy West: Thanks very much, I'm enjoying it so far. [Coach West begins to ravenously eat a Hardees Hamburger]

LWS - Hungry Coach? You should eat a little slower, enjoy the meal.

TW - Listen punk [ He has a little mayo on the corner of his mouth] I'm a Memphis Tiger. Food is food. I'm fucking starving. I would eat an entire Chippendales revue right now and wash it down with Siegfried and Roy without batting an eyelash.

LWS - Well, that sounded gay.

TW - Do you check every burger you eat to make sure there's no bull meat in it?

LWS - Of course not.

TW - Then maybe you're gay.

LWS - It's not the same and you know it. Besides, you could have said you would have eaten the Beavers or some firemen. But you went for Chippendales and Siegfried and Roy. Let's just call those interesting choices.

TW - Dude. Siegfried, Roy. Tigers. Hello?

LWS - Can you tell us something about your pre-Orgeron life.

TW - I was the former Clemson head football coach who came to Memphis in 2000 as defensive coordinator, was hired as the Tigers' 21st head coach on November 30, 2000. My hiring has proven to be very beneficial for the U of M football program, I like to think that I am popular coach because I have lead my Tigers to a 24-13 record the last three years, as well as three-consecutive bowl appearances for the first time ever in Tiger football history.

TW - You met Coach O at a roller-skating rink is that right?

TW – What the fuck? Yeah. My cousin introduced me to Orgeron. We got along really good at first, both of us really like Roller Derby.

LWS - I'd like to play a little word association game with you now. I'll say a word or words and you say the first thing that comes to your mind, okay?

TW - I will play along. For a while.

LWS – DeAngelo Williams

TW – Apple strudel

LWS – Spread Option

TW- Blumpkins

LWS – Fences

TW – Pronouns

LWS – Interesting answers Coach

TW – M.E.M.P.H.I.S.

LWS- (How did he just add those periods to Memphis?) Coach, we’re done with the word association game.

TW – I know

LWS - So let’s stop dancing Coach. I want to commend you on your bravery in dealing with Coach O. What is your pain?

TW – It was servitude. He told me I had to do 'Anything'. When he asked me to go to work with him, I said 'Doing what?' and he said 'Anything I need'. He said driving and taking care of things for him.

LWS - Excuse me, I get a little choked up when I hear you tell it like that. What was going through you mind?

TW - Because we had fun at first, erecting the fence around the city. The responsibilities weren't there. The security wasn't like it was for him at USC, it wasn't like it was going to be in '04 when he was recruiting in Southern California, it was a different ballgame. But we had some of the Memphis Mafia guys on the gate and so forth. But we just had fun, we'd pull pranks. The crews, they all wanted to get back on Coach O’s fence. At Oxford and Jackson wherever we were, people couldn’t wait to get back because the Coach O’s fence erection was so much fun. The players loved him; they were included in the pranks and getting him and so on. We had a good time and there wasn't a lot of pressure. And at that time, O was still able to go out on the streets and not draw huge crowds like he did later. He was more of a movie star then than a football coach.

LWS – Eventually the relationship went sour, why?

TW - Well, it’s really awkward and hard for me to talk about. One late night, after several zinfandels, he confessed his sins. He showed me the fence paperwork. The fence around Memphis was for Ole Miss. Ole Miss only. I wept…

LWS – Is this the purchase order for the fencing? [I hand him the paper below)

(Click Image to enlarge)

TW - Yes. Yes, it is. I get extremely emotional when I see that paper.

LWS - How do you feel about the whole thing?

TW - There are times when I wish I hadn’t help build the fence. There are times when I feel com… Compelled to do it. If you asked me, would I do it again, do I think it’s worth it? Yeah I think it’s worth it.

LWS - When did you know “it” was over?

TW – He changed the lock on the gate and didn’t tell me. Here is the old key he gave me. It don’t unlock anything anymore. Sometimes, I hold that key real tight.

LWS – Uhhh, alright then….I mean that’s cool. How does Coach O get along with other coaches?

TW – O has had some great relationships. There was Les Miles, he was cold and aloof. The ice queen, this and that. But O’s charm… a few days being around him, he just wore right down. He started cutting up with us. O just defrosted him. He also had a great relationship with Mike Shula. O went after him from the first SEC Media Days. He thought he was adorable: he was petite like he liked. The chemistry was there.

LWS – So Coach O is coming out with a fragrance?

TW – Its going to be called “Orgerons Ball Sweat Cologne”

LWS - Uuuhmm that’s pretty interesting.

TW - (laughs) Yeah, it’s interesting all right. That's what ruined our relationship; he I came up with the idea and took full credit for it. I really thought that he needed to get away from his titty twisting and wild boyz image.

LWS – So the fence is built, he changes the lock to the gate, declares Memphis is really in Mississippi and the thing that destroys your relationship is his new cologne?

TW – Yes, I am so ashamed, I can’t recruit in my own city. Ole Miss now looks at us as their “signature” game now. Coach O is my Coach Red Beaulieu and I am his Coach Klein (Seen Below).

{sensing that TW was turning into jelly, and useless to continue, I decided to end the interview}

LWS - Thank you again for meeting with me. Any advice for our readers?

TW - Yeah. Don’t ever try to fuck with me or I’ll have you in shit up to your ears.

(As Always, these interviews are satire and fiction. Not to be construed as real or the truth)

Smokey and the Blowup Gator Doll: A Love Story

Hot off the presses

Urban Meyer Saves DT Marcus Thomas's Mota Suspension as a "do over"

This is rich shit. What kind of house is Urban Meyer keeping down there in Gainesville Jortsville? The Dee Webb/Andre Caldwell/Reggie Lewis AR-15 and AK-47 incident? [Geightor Locker Room?] Why isn't the media all over this guy? Is he the chosen one? Coincidence that Thomas is suspended after the UT game? Not that it would have mattered if he played or not. This smells like Chris Leak in the huddle after he has called the option play. As for the Thomas Affair:

During a Southeastern Conference coaches teleconference call with reporters, Meyer declined to immediately comment. According to two sources, Thomas failed two drug tests, both this summer. The first positive test led to Thomas being suspended for Florida's season opener, one source said. If the appeal of Thomas is denied, he would be suspended half of the season

To paraphrase from another Blogger: Urban is being ridiculed on this blog for his decision to let his players play the game, great men often are, but true Geightor fans recognize the service he has given to the school and his team. We should all learn from Urban's shining example and show our appreciation and love for the Geightor Nation. Next time you run into a Geightor make sure to buy him a Nickelbag and tell him not to worry, Coach has you covered.

UGA Cheerleader Auction

The Georgia Cheerleaders and Hairy Dawg would be the perfect addition to your party. This package includes shakers and G-Strings for everyone, two(2) (alternative lifestyles-friendly) cheerleaders and Hairy Dawg (doubles as camera man) attending your party. Due to travel limitations, the party must be within 60 miles of Athens. Also, the appearance time for the cheerleaders and Hairy Dawg would be a maximum of two(2) hours and the party would need to be scheduled at a mutually agreeable date within the next year (October 2, 2006 – October 1, 2007). Home - georgiadogs.com - Official Team Auction

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From VolJunkie

Blog Poll Roundtables. My Thoughts

The interviewers in these roundtables are incredibly polite and cordial. I say that is unacceptable. Here are a couple of sample Roundtables: Corn from the Jar Ciskie I promise you that these guys DO NOT want to be interviewed by the LWS. We ask the questions that they do not want to answer. I am not saying these guys are scared, but if you read the interviews, you can understand maybe, just maybe,they do not want a piece of our ass. Ainge Ainge part 2 Coach Cutt John Majors The Chief Ch McCracken's Weird Uncle Chris Leak Urban Meyer Chat Urban Meyer

Bama versus Ar-Kansas. M Stain

Sept. 23 vs. Alabama. Arkansas has won two of the last three in the series and with a road date at Auburn ahead, it'll need this win for a likely 2-0 SEC start and to make a statement in the West race. It would also be the type of win the team didn't/couldn't come up with last year and show that the past really is in the past. Here is the difference in the game M STAIN

Les Miles Press Conference with Comments

BATON ROUGE - The special Monday at the LSU press luncheon was "Grilled Les," as LSU football coach Les Miles got question after question about why he stuck with a running game that was stuck throughout the Tigers' 7-3 loss to Auburn on Saturday in Auburn. LSU averaged 1.8 yards a rush on 23 runs and 7.2 yards a pass attempt on 37 passes. The Tigers' leading rusher was tailback Justin Vincent with 16 yards on six carries for a 2.6-yard average and a long run of four yards. Quarterback JaMarcus Russell completed 20 of 35 passes for 267 yards and was sacked once for a yard loss.

QUESTION: Coach, considering the struggles your offense had in the game, at what point do you start to consider getting away from your running game and going to more speed and passing? MILES: "Well I think we considered really all facets there. I don't think it has to do necessarily with the guy that's carrying the ball. I think it's a number of factors. There's more to it than just the guy." COMMENT: Ah...There's Les Miles's voice. He tosses off a couple of mentions of the facets and factors related to Offensive production, and then declares this luncheon to be the "Zero Spin" zone. He follows with some bits I heard him do on ESPN , about all 3 of his QBs quarterbacks creating zero net jobs, about pass protection even if Urban Meyer "doesn't get it," and offers to throw bologna at a stripper's ass. C'mon, Les, this is your show. Be your own host.

QUESTION: At what point do you start focusing more on your passing game than your running game because it seems like your best weapons are in the passing game? MILES: "Well, if we show up and throw the ball every down, I bet we get some different pass rush. The best thing that will allow us to throw the football effectively is to make them (the passes) out of the run. And we're going to always push the ball at them on the ground. There are certain times in the game where you must control the ball on the ground , and we have two good backs. We just have to get them loose and let them make plays for us." COMMENT: An unexpected phone call from cuddly Steve Spurrier, who's calling from his radio show. If I were a nerd, this would be a joke about a tear in the fabric of the space-time continuum. But since I'm not that smart, I'll just mention that Spurrier and Les wistfully recount a sweaty, confusing night they spent camping in the shadow of the Ben Hill Griffin Stadium in 1988. QUESTION: In a game-to-game basis, do you ever see yourself just ditching the running game? MILES: "Not me. I believe too strongly in it, and there are times when you're going to have to run the ball." COMMENT: Got up, had another cup of coffee and a nice cheese Danish. Steve Spurrier (yes , he's STILL TALKING) is prattling on about this Rogers Redding person (Southeastern Conference coordinator of football officials), blown calls leading to lost football games, and Ed Orgeron's supposed addiction to anal beads the size of regulation Rawlings baseballs.

QUESTION: Seeing the ease in which JaMarcus operates in in the two-minute offense , was there any thought to moving towards that that earlier in the game? Is there any thought of maybe running no huddle with this team to see how well and proficient he works in it? MILES: "We look at no huddle just about on a weekly basis until we have the opportunity to go to that. It would not necessarily change play call. Play calls would be the same. We talk about the pros and cons of that almost weekly. But two minute has its purpose. The percentage play is to make your opponent defend both run and pass on as many downs and distances as you can. That allows you to have a numbers advantage when you choose to run or pass. And so, no. I'm answering an abandoning the run feel from that question. And we're not going to abandon the run." COMMENT: I'm starting to contemplate the important metaphysical questions, such as "Could I possibly be more bored right now? Like , maybe if I found a can of paint and left it in that can in its liquid form and stared at the paint in the can, while listening to a CD of Urban Meyer Recruiting Pitches, would I actually achieve a higher plane of boredom?" Ed Orgeron. Anal beads. Ed Orgeron. Anal beads. Quite a mantra. QUESTION: I have another abandon the run question, and I was saying this before the game. This is not a hindsight is 20-20 thing. In looking at the film did you notice a few times that there were some holes provided by your offensive line and the backs didn't get there quick enough? MILES: "I don't know that that was the case as far as quickness. I think a cut or two could have been second-guessed. And I think a cut or two and a block by the fullback. I think a back side technique by an offensive lineman on a couple of occasions or a front side technique by an offensive lineman on a couple of occasions, or a tight end really doesn't have the width in his approach. I just kind of gave you whatever number of opportunities there that we probably -- had we done those things -- may have had another 70 yards of rushing offense. COMMENTARY: Unidentified Possibly-Female reporter asks Miles if he regrets calling Tommy Tubberville a "Jack Ass" for trying to run up the score. She's not long for her reporting gig if she's going to continually cock-blocks Miles's and from affectionately ass-fucking him by injecting topicality into the show. I'm pretty sure it's a woman. Could be a drag queen. I'm going to hold off touching myself until I figure it out. QUESTION: Is it easier to pass block than run block? MILES: "Well the old knowledge says that it's harder to man up and pass block than it is to run block. I can tell you that you have to stay after the rush. You have to grow and allow that to come of age on your team. That's the process that we're in."

COMMENT: For those who find the pathetic management of a football too tragic to laugh at (pussies), I proudly present to you Ole Miss.

QUESTION: Philosophically, why do coaches believe the running game makes the passing game? Why not make the passing game make the running game? MILES: "Right now, that's where we're at. Everybody's packed up , really defending the pass against us. So the opportunities to run the football should gain some good dividends or a lot of yards, either way. It's just as simply put as this: If they know what you're going to do before you do it, they can defend it a little better than if they don't know. If they have to defend both run and pass on a number of downs and distances, then they have a difficult time putting their players in their right spots." COMMENT: I catch a snippet to the effect of "Urban Meyer" would lie about what kind of pancake is his “favorite," and then with peals of laughter. Of course, they are discussing Meyer's breakfast preferences. Meyer reportedly showed a demented Chris Leak a package of adult undergarments, which the addled Leak hilariously misidentified as a SEC Sanctioned Sharting Towel. QUESTION: One last question about the running game. Why don't you run more out of the three- or four-wide receiver sets that spread a defense instead of the bunch formations? MILES: "We did that several times. In two instances, we had 5-yard penalties. We just never got it going." COMMENT: Gone are the motivational press conferences of the truly mediocre Gerry DiNardo. While he may be a disciple of the Bo Schembecler, Les will soon learn that he's a long way from Stillwater Oklahoma.

Ed Orgeron, is French for Batshit Crazy

Body Double with the Dad From Wonder Years? Wild boys fallen far from glory" – Duran Duran "We need to find a coach who can bring Ole Miss back to the glory years, back to 2003"-Ole Miss AD Peter Boone. [Who was the Coach in 2003, Pete?] I don' think this is what Pete Boone had in mind Ole Miss and Kentucky This was an ass-whipping. Randy Sanders must be French for Brent Schaffer. Obviously 12 penalties and five turnovers is hard to overcome in any game," Ole Miss coach Ed Orgeron said. "That's uncharacteristic of our football team. If your players can't read how can you expect them to execute plays. We are illiterate shits." Ed Orgeron, whose name is French for Batshit Crazy, became the 35th football coach at Ole Miss o­n December 16th, 2004. And even though America laughed at the absurd hire, Mississippi fans were truly excited to see what Crazy Ed might do. Then darkness fell over the great state of Mississippi, as news of Orgeron’s violent past came to the surface. The shirtless titty twisting wonder was arrested twice for bar fights in the early 90’s, and accusations of domestic abuse had Rebel fans questioning why this demon was hired. But much to the relief of the Ole Miss faithful, 2005 and 2006 has shown us that Orgeron is not capable of beating anyone.* Some will never associate the word "Great" with jamming one's pecker in a tailpipe or blowing one's ass into five pieces with a firecracker. Certainly, Ed Ogeron doesn't strike anyone as brilliant when he first appeared on the Ole Miss sideline in 2005. How about the time when he exited the practice field complaining about the importance of getting out of a Port-O-Potty before tipping it on its side. Coach O's purpose is to provide experience in life lessons. Important things like: Don't wipe your dick on your girlfriend's curtains in front of her mom; don't eat road kill off the road on the way to work; don't shoot yourself in the crotch with a BB gun to see if it will hurt. The kind of lessons that his Dad never got around to teaching him. There is so much to take away from the misadventures of one man. Here is an excerpt of the infamous Wild Boyz speech just for fun:

"When I (The O) point to this side of the room, I want you to say 'Ole Miss.' When I point to this side, I want you to say, 'Wild Boys.'" Standing there with no shirt on with every guy in the room shirtless, started pointing to each side of the room. Half the team would yell, "Ole Miss" while the other would yell "Wild Boys." Apparently it got pretty crazy and guys started flipping chairs, yelling, and throwing cooler across the room while chanting Ole Miss... Wild Boys. ""He then stopped and said, "One more thing. If any of you motherfuckers thinks you can take me, you come up here and get a piece of me right now."

*wardamntaligate Related story on The O

SEC Gameday Snub from ESPN Provokes Blood Feud

It seems perfectly apparent to me that Chris Fowler, ESPN's College Gameday Host has entered some sort of pact with the Devil himself, wherein the honkiest man in the land offers his eternal soul to the Dark Lord in return for the football knowledge of Lou Holtz. I hope that Chris got a kiss on that deal, because he is taking it up the poop chute. ESPN signs a deal with the Nancy Conference and they can't come to the SEC? This is so typical of Chris. Chris and Jen

Florida Game Pics

[WATCH YOUR HANDS!! He is 10 plays into a Depends Diaper!] [What is on that towel?] [A new towel developed by Gatorade Scientest] [A late hit to the head? Leak earned it] [Leak tries to Shart on the good guys, no penalty was called] {Touchdown followed by another Gator penalty} [Bob "Blumpkin" Tebow is smiling]

Florida First Half Blog

Jericho? I hope that the preview of Jericho is not a sign of things to come

Thank goodness the sound is off; I can’t hear Urban Meyer’s rousing pregame speech.

Will Urban’s vaunted silent count be a difference?

Is CBS going to break away from showing the T?

Oh shit, Gary Danielson? Who has a more annoying voice? Meyer or Danielson?

Damn them, they are not going to show the T

Good for Chris Leak. He is wearing Dark Pants. Equates to fewer Depends diaper changes.

CBS teases me with the T. Unbelievable, they showed it.

Florida looks like they have a healthy group of thugs. Taunting the fans and the band running on the field.

Tracey Wolfson has a prominent mole. Well below my standards.

Goofy ass kickoff formation from the gators

Shit, Ainge . WTF?

Run that ball Urban

Chrissy looks rattled. OMG, this punt formation is fucked up. A chinese fucking fire drill. That shit is going to cost them a blocked punt one day.

Urban looks overwhelmed. Not a multi-task guy.

Fuck, like 9 guys in the box. Bring in Crompton?

Chrissy in the shotgun. I bet his bowels are ripping apart

Dear God, STFU about the silent count. Please run the option,,,please.

I hope Harvin gets his clock cleaned. His is a fucking spaz

The Bow appears and saves a sharting episode for Leak

Figures, another questionable TD for the Gators. Remember Gaffney?

Late fucking hit. Brilliant no call,on the late hit on the kick off return

Things looking bad for the good guys. WTF? Another brilliant no call on the illegal block. Why throw the flag and change your mind? Fuck you Danielson on the trip by Colquitt. Fucker deserved to be tripped. Arm tackles don’t seem to be effective.

Thanks for the INT Chrissy. No gators withing 10 yards of the ball. You Fuck

I miss Randy Sanders. These big pass plays scare me. I hope Joiner leaves me some Mayo

Wow, I go and eat and still see Chrissy fall down on the option. Typically predictable but sad in a way.

Can CBS lick Florida’s balls anymore? It is nothing but Florida this and Florida that. Fuck them, Godless Soulless bastards.

I think that Florida was fooled by the flea flicker. Nice throw Lucas Taylor and even better catch and run Coker.

Gang tackle those motherfuckers. Hold them up so everybody gets a shot

Jesus, we almost ripped that illiterate shit’s head off.

Urban is so pissed that he is spitting.

A safety will break their backs

Leak is not calm, he is scared. He hates contact. He is scared of the safety; I see fear in his “really cool eyes” (courtesy of my wife)

Mitchell is hurt, I am betting it was a cheap shot. Lets see the replay CBS licks floridas balls

Wilbur, what a name. Urban are you concerned ? You shit?

What the hell? Ainge gets sacked, and I notice that he is wearing different shoes than the rest of the team. Why is that?

Danielson licks Florida’s balls

Thank God, that return comes back. Florida cheats

Stop justifying the clips you ball-licking Florida homer

Fucking refs, call the int TD back. Blow to the head? He earned that smack to the head

Lick the balls Danielson Lick them

The Bow is back in. Blumpkins for everyone

Leak just had the living dog shit knocked out of him. Danielson screams for a penalty, bastard

The Gators field goal kicker really sucks. It will hurt them

Halftime

Florida Game Blog. Halftime and Second Half

I need subtitles for Meyer’s halftime interview. Is his mouth really connected to his brain? I think he is pissed

Fulmer lost 40 pounds? Uh, oh goodness, how much did he weigh before?

How much makeup does Spencer Tillman wear? Jericurl in the hair? It has a sheen. Tillman correctly points out that the Gators don’t play well on the road.

[Kudos to my Uma Thurman-looking wife for that tip]

Tubberville interview, how do they find a headset big enough to cover his ears?

Oh Dear God, TCU is the “fly in the ointment”. Lick my balls CBS

No Darth Vader’s? What does that mean? Tillman licks Buckeyes.

What the hell? Gator fans are throwing urine at their own team while they are in the tunnel

Jericho again. And Florida gets the ball to begin the 2^nd half. Chris Leak looks pumped up. No more options for the rest of the game?

---

Replay of the Leak helmet hit, I notice his helmet is a little lopsided. Danielson seems sated.

Dallas Baker does the helicopter after the hit. Really not dramatic enough

Why do they keep showing Leak’s face? Lick the balls, better yet CBS, tongue those Florida balls. Closeups over and over

X fights off the wrestling hold and sacks Leak. It appeared to be a “lock bar arm drag takedown” he fought off

Why is Urban Meyer on the field? 10 yards deep.

Fight? Finally, the Gators get caught cheating again?

Anyone see that guy doing the jack off sign?

Call the TD back? CBS seems happy

3^rd and fucking goal, Frogg is getting killed

FUCK YOU FLORIDA, (I actually wrote that earlier and had to delete it) FUCK YOU FLORIDA

Why is Urban the NikeGridiron Commercials? Why CBS?

GATOR FUCKING CHOMP

Please don’t return it. Waterbug scares me.

Timeout by Tennessee? Why? 8:24 left in 3^rd. Why?

Leak runs the option and pays dearly. Both with his sternum and the loaf of bread in the backside of his britches

Get out of bounds or slide Chrissy

Leak is his own worst enemy. Get hit or shart.

Danielson: Bob “Blumpkin” Tebow is going to want a piece of your ass for this Urban flirtation. Tongue the Balls Gary Tongue them.

12 rushes and 8 yards? Something is broke

OH SHIT. The Ainge-E underhand LSU pass rears its ugly head.

Danielson can’t see that Coker wasn’t there for the LSU Pass?

Danielson begins bitching that the calls are against Florida. Tongue the balls

Leak on the option. He runs straight up. Please crush his sternum

The BOW is in. Blumpkins all around

Tebow is Alex Smith? The Bow needs to stay away from those comparisons. Urban is the Tedford Factor of the SEC

Fucking Leak, a blind squirrel finds a nut attacking D-Mo

Florida finally scores. 17-14

Why does Florida have so many Male Cheeleaders?

Danielson talks about the Spread. I can’t help but think he means “spread the legs” and tongue the Gator balls

---

4^th

Why do we run on 1^st and 2^nd down?

Why do we run on 1^st and 2^nd down?

Why do we run on 1^st and 2^nd down?

Finally, on 2^nd down, we throw

The offense bores me, This FG will fail

Well I was wrong, 51 yards. 6 point lead won’t work. Wilhoit makes it with some body English from Ainge-E.

Will it go 21-20? I think so.

They will attack D-Mo. He is our weak link.

Danielson longs to tongue Emmit Smith’s balls now.

The Bow is back in. A Blumpkin Fiesta

Leak slides short of a 1^st down. Danielson even wonders why Leak slid. I know why Gary: Leak is a pussy. And it 4^th down. Will The Bow appear? Or that kicker guy?

It is The Bow. Danielson, says “Man that guy is a load”. Freudian slip? Tongue them Gary

1^st down Gators.

Like I said, 21-20

Tennessee is discombobulated

The Bow tries to celebrate Urban. Urban coldly ignores him. Blumpkins no longer good?

Hardsty running hard

Interception time?

3^rd down. Oh shit time with 4 minutes left

Offsides Florida. Urban is upset

1^st down? Measure it Bitch

1^st and ten “Florida” Vern? Tennessee has the ball, Vern. Tongue those Gator balls

Intentional grounding on Ainge-E. Frogg missed a block…again

Is Wilhoit going to be money? Time out Vols. 3^rd down or 4^th. I lost track because of the penalty

It is 3^rd and 16. need somebody to BLOCK. Triple coverage Ainge-E?

Going for it. I called it, Interception. My Blog entry now ends

FLORIDA and URBAN ALL BLOW Did Lee Corso just call Chris Leak a Warrior? The End of Days is near

Oh poor Les Miles, Poor Corndog Nation. LSU Falls to the Barn.

Les Miles, a poor man's Urban Meyer, loses another important game. Who can forget his complete and utter choking that evolved into horrible offensive playcalling during the 05 LSU-UT game. Blows a 3 TD lead? Anyone recall Lester trying to call a timeout after LSU intercepted a Vol pass right before the end of regulation? A turnover stops the clock. I suppose he forgot that. Will he stick with JeMarcus Russell? A QB that continues to make an ass-load of mistakes but who will never worry about losing his job? I hope nothing changes in the Corndog Nation. {What is up with the big ass hats?] Linked below is a historical pattern of choking and ass-hat performance Texas 56 OSU 35: Mack Suckers Miles into a Massive Meltdown - www.scout.com

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What Happens in the Gator Huddle?

Is it something like this when Chris Leak calls the option?

Holy Shart!!! Urban Meyer is on the Hot Seat.

I am tickled to death. Could not happen to better guy. Welcome to the SEC, Genius. Thanks for tip TampaGator17

UF coach Urban Meyer has to win against Tennessee. No ifs, ands or buts about it - he must. Gator Nation wants - and needs - a Southeastern Conference title this year, along with some hope that national prominence is not far away. Meyer can't afford to lead off the SEC season with a loss. Not with games against Auburn, LSU and Georgia looming. Forget about 107,000-plus screaming "Rocky Top" under the lights at Neyland Stadium. Forget about the rivalry thing. Forget about a questionable offensive line. Forget about the lack of a running game. Forget about everything that says the Gators should lose Saturday night, because they can't. Not if Meyer cares about his $2-million-a-year job. It's not like he'll lose it this year or anytime soon over loss to Tennessee. Meyer's closer to leaving UF for an NFL gig than he is to being ousted and becoming the next head coach of Illinois. But losing to the Vols would be the beginning of the end for Meyer. The first push of a giant snowball of bad publicity by the hardcore fans that make up Gator Nation. Sure, the "Rock Star" that is Meyer has a cult-like following now. But believe it or not, there was a time when Ron Zook was a likeable guy, too. Galen Hall, Charley Pell and Doug Dickey all had their moments.

Here is the link:

JORTS

In the Interest of being Impartial GatorfromAtlanta Sent Us His Assessment

I decided to post it because it does not have the typical Gator Bullshit embedded in it. Despite all of the acronyms, puncuation and grammar errors so common from Gators this is a good and unemotional view of the game. Thanks for the email gatorinatlanta

My Quick Analysis of UF-UT Game... simply put, UF is slightly better than UT on both sides of the ball, therefore assume both teams play to their capabilities, UF will stop UT slightly more than UT will stop UF.UT's O is good, QB playing at a high level, throwing to dangerous WRs, decent running games, being blocked for by a rebuilt OL w/ 1 stellaer OT...

I rank UT's O an 8 due to rebuilt interior OL and running game questions....UF's O is good, same as UT's but that UF appears to have a couple more weapons than UT, although running game is as much of a question mark as UT's is...UF's O also has a rebuilt OL and TB questions, but with the extra playmakers I rank UF an 8 1/2 on OUT's D I rank a 6, a lot of new faces in the front 7, UT has some playmakers up front in McBride and Mayo and Harrell if healthy...UT had a stellar secondary, with loss of Inky J it is now maybe not quite so stellar...

I rank UF's D a 7, UF returns 6 of 7 starters up front plus 2 very capable backups in DT Joe Cohen and DE D Harvey...UT does not have that kind of depth..questions on D are in the secondary, where UF replaces 3 starters, but the unit has been rock solid thus far v average competition..When UT has the ball, it will not be able to run v UF but w/ Cutcliffe calling the plays and UF's CBs giving some cushion to avoid the home run, UT will be able to move the ball into scoring range... I do not think UF will get great pressure v Ainge, but will sack him twice...without turnovers or special team big plays, I think UT's O is good for about 20 points v UF's D...When UF has the ball it will be a high risk, high reward kind of O, UT will get pressure on leak and sack him 4 times on blitzes, but UF will have some long TD plays against the blitz or when new safety Dee Morley gets caught out of position...

I think UF has 2 50 yard plus TD plays, UT will have none w/ Nelson and Joiner roaming deep...without turnovers or special team big plays, I think UF's O is good for about 31 points v UF's D...So before turnovers or special team big plays, UF is about 11 points better in my mind, so all it would take is 1 huge TO or a big UT runback to make this a game down to the wire....If UF is -2 in the TO category v UT it will probably lose...Coach Meyer needs to be careful to putt Tim Tebow in the right situations...Final Score, UF 31, UT 27...Vols 31 Jorts 28

ESPN Interviews Urban Meyer

LWS was able to obtain the deleted notes from the recent ESPN Interview with Urban Meyer. The entire interview is below with deleted notes. Enjoy Florida coach Urban Meyer takes his No. 7-ranked Gators on the road for the first time this season when they play at No. 13 Tennessee on Saturday night. The road was not a kind place for Florida in Meyer's first season in 2005, as the Gators went 1-3 in opponents' stadiums, while they beat Georgia, of course, in Jacksonville, Fla. Despite Meyer's complaints that college football's new clock rules will curtail offensive production, the Gators had 637 yards offense in their 42-0 win over Central Florida last week. Senior quarterback Chris Leak threw for a career-high 352 yards and four touchdowns, and the Gators out-gained the Golden Knights 204-21 in rushing yards. Facing the Vols in Neyland Stadium, where Florida has won four of eight meetings since 1990, figures to be a much tougher task. Here's part of the conversation I had earlier Thursday with Meyer: Schlabach: Is Chris Leak more comfortable in your offense or does it just seem that way? Meyer: I thought Chris was fairly productive last year until we got our wide receivers hurt. I thought Chris played pretty well last year and he's playing better this year. But if I took Dallas Baker, Bubba Caldwell and Jemalle Cornelius out of the lineup right now, he'd struggle again. A quarterback is as good as the personnel around him. Not to take anything away from Chris, but it's like a tailback. A tailback is only as good as the linemen blocking for him. [Deleted comments. Leak has Incontinence issues. After the training staff switched him from Serenity to Depends Adult Diapers, his offensive production really increased. The Depends Diapers really increased his confidence level.] Schlabach: Have you been happy with freshman quarterback Tim Tebow's performance so far? Meyer: He's on track. The buildup borders on insanity when a high school player has a productive high school career and wants to come in and play. That's why people thought we had a quarterback controversy around here. His last two weeks of preparation have been very good. He's going to be a fine player here. [Deleted comments: I love his Dad. Bob “Blumpkin” Tebow. As long as I love his Dad, The Bow will play] Schlabach: Is the biggest test for your offensive line? Meyer: I think it's a big-time test. I think it's one of the best defensive fronts in college football we're playing. We've done OK in the first two games. We've still got a man down [guard Ronnie Wilson injured his ankle in preseason camp] and we'll get him back in a couple of weeks. [Deleted comments: I wish we could get away from using Lineman in my offense. I hope to one day to line up 10 wide receivers and the The Bow. Provided Bob Blumpkin continues to show me his “talent”] Schlabach: Has senior right tackle Carlton Medder been a pleasant surprise? Meyer: He's been playing decent. He's just never played before. He's hanging in there. He was not overmatched in the first two games. We'll see how he does on Saturday night. [Deleted comments: Plus he is not a wide receiver, so I could not give 2 shits about him. He is fat slow and possesses hands of stone] Schlabach: I heard you confiscated your players'cell phones and ipods last week so they would concentrate on the game. Is that true? Meyer: I never touch their iPods. I don't know how these things get started. There are certain times when I want players to relax. We're trying to build a family atmosphere around here. Fridays are a great time for us to be together. I don't want guys distracted by talking on their phones or being isolated by music. There are times we need to be hanging out together. [Deleted comments: My players are allowed to keep those things. Look, we are only talking about a bakers dozen worth of players that literate enough to operate an IPod anyway. My guys are dumber than dirt] Schlabach: Tennessee defensive tackle Justin Harrell said he's going to play with a torn biceps muscle this weekend. Ever hear of a player doing that? Meyer: Somebody told me today that [former Gators defensive tackle Brad Culpepper] did it. He was in a lot of pain, but played through it. One of my coaches coached with the Green Bay Packers and said one of the guys up there played with that injury one time. Harrell is a hell of a player, I know that. [Deleted comments: If Chris Leak can run the option with a loaf of bread in the backside of his britches, this Tennessee kid should be fine] Schlabach: So is he better with one arm that some guys with two? Meyer: Possibly. He's that good. [Deleted comments: Bob Tebow does things with no hands, no big deal]

Bob Tebow's Blumpkins Pay Dividends

Tennessee has been preparing this week to face two Florida quarterbacks with different styles and they will see both in the game Saturday night, Florida coach Urban Meyer said Thursday. For the third consecutive game, true freshman Tim Tebow is scheduled to see playing time. Meyer said he isn't sure whether Tebow will enter the game as early as the first half, which he did last Saturday against Central Florida. In his first possession against UCF, Tebow engineered a touchdown drive. "I'll wait and see (before deciding if Tebow plays in the first half)," Meyer said. "I don't want to commit, but he certainly could be (in the game in the first half). He's earned that right. He's done very well. His Dad has performed well too. Bob makes me feel both dirty and clean. He just makes me dizzy. "He's (The Bow) going to play. He's had a good week. That's two weeks in a row. The first week he was sick as a dog. He's had two good weeks. We have to account for the time Chris Leak needs to perform his personal hygiene during the game. Leak is much more efficient in changing his game pants. Besides the other players are really disgusted by Leak's sharting on the field"

Check out This Guy: The 8th Maxim

Florida still Sucks http://8thmaxim.blogspot.com

The Girls Can't Wait. Vol Junkie linked in this post and on the right

sent me this video. Take a look at his site. http://voljunkie.tv/

Thanks for the Link Dawgnoxious. Georgia Sports Blog: Meyer Points, Stares, Whiffs on Recruiting Trail

The SEC unites against the Gators. Bama, barners, Corndogs, Vols and Dawgs all hate this douches. It is so American Georgia Sports Blog: Meyer Points, Stares, Whiffs on Recruiting Trail

UT to football fans: Behave - Nashville, Tennessee - Thursday, 09/14/06 - Tennessean.com

UT to football fans: Behave - Nashville, Tennessee - Thursday, 09/14/06 - Tennessean.com Good news. The article does not mention Urine Containers. That is the only way to welcome the worst fans in the SEC to Knoxville.

By Request Urban Facts. A Bit Dated but From a Geightor Site

Some interesting tidbits about Urban Meyer revealed Wednesday at the SEC Media Days: Meyer played defensive back at the University of Cincinnati. Meyer was drafted by the Atlanta Braves, and played two seasons of minor league ball. Meyer is licensed to practice law in 11 states. He can practice medicine in six. Meyer briefly dated Scarlett Johansen. Meyer once won a complete dinette set on “Sale of the Century.” Meyer has pi memorized to 650 decimal places. “Starship Troopers” was loosely based on Meyer’s Ohio upbringing. The only way to make Meyer disappear is to say his name backwards. Meyer trained 2003 Belmont Stakes winner Empire Maker. Condoleeza Rice won’t leave the house without running her wardrobe by Meyer. Meyer talked Hulk Hogan into joining the NWO. That “50-year-old grandmother” in the Bowflex commercial? Did her. Meyer can eat an entire watermelon, including the skin and seeds, in one sitting. Meyer is part marsupial. Meyer designed most of Urban Outfitters’ summer collection. In 1986, Meyer co-wrote “The Rain” with R&B singer/songwriter Oran “Juice” Jones. Meyer first drove Wade Boggs to the Bosley Institute. Meyer invented “LOL.” Meyer’s favorite drink: formaldehyde with a splash of grenadine. Meyer can deadlift over 500 pounds. With his mind. The Y2K scare was a hoax created by Meyer. David Brinkley’s last words were “Urban Meyer.” Meyer is a secret character in “Grand Theft Auto: Vice City.” Ken Shamrock thinks Meyer is the world’s most dangerous man. Meyer speaks nine languages, including Klingon and Aramaic. Meyer can breathe underwater. Meyer authored the Roe v. Wade opinion while sitting on the toilet. Meyer is widely considered the unofficial tenth member of the Wu-Tang Clan. Meyer comes up with the names of hurricanes. He’s most proud of “Georges.”

Chatting with Urban Meyer

We here at the LWS are very fortunate to have Coach Urban Meyer , Head Coach of the University of Florida, here to answer questions from our readers. We appreciate the hundreds of comments and email submitted. Based on Coach's schedule we will present as many questions as possible. LWS: Coach, Thanks for coming back. I am sure that yesterday was a fluke, a "perfect storm" in your very perfect life. UM: Thanks for having me. I don't want people to think that I am a incompetent crackhead dick. LWS: Nobody thinks that you are dick . Let's get started with the questions. UM: I am ready, fire away... LWS: The first question is from Big D

"Ask him how many arms he's had to regrow after ripping them off to beat his runningbacks when they underperform."

UM: Our backs suck. If I am using Harvin, things suck.

LWS: Well, lets try Irishjihad,

"Does he weep after a Bob Tebow-administered blumpkin?"

UM: I cry often, happy or sad. Bob "Blumpkin" Tebow makes me feel both happy and sad and a little dirty

LWS: Coach, I am not a bit shocked by that response Coach. On to the next question from ZZGator.

"Does he really hate Chris Leak?"

UM: As reported by this website, I indeed hate Chris Leak. I love it when I call the option and he shits himself. He hates being hit and I hate watching him slide or run out of bounds to avoid contact. He is a pussy.

LWS: A little harsh on Leak, Coach?

UM: He is what he is...A Nancy..

LWS: Next question is from TeethInc.

"Does he really have us practice in Jorts?"

UM: What the fuck is wrong with you Teeth? You call yourself a Gator fan and ask a dumbass question like that? Of course we do, Jorts are required travel attire for away games. I don't want anyone thinking we are one of those other Florida schools. Jorts are our signature. OK? Next question.

LWS: Wow, this is good stuff Coach, here is one from Ed: "Can your players read?" UM: Ed, not all of them. Chris Leak can't read a lick. You ever listen to him speak? He needs subtitles. LWS: Next question is from Zookster "Does he like using my recruits?" UM: Fuck you Ron. If you were half the coach I am, you would still be here instead of fucking up Illinois. It was said that the cupbard was full when I got here. So thanks a lot. BTW, where did you leave the offensive lineman? I need a couple. I will say this, in my innovative and dynamic Spread Option Offense, Offensive Lineman are optional. That is why I recruit 10-15 wide receivers in each class. LWS: Next is a question from trahstae ("eat shart" backwards) "Has Urban ever been President of Peru?" UM: Another dumbass question, where did you find these tools? In Peru, I was the leader of the Maoist Group known as the Shining Path. Next. LWS: From Everyday Should Be Saturday's Orson: "Does he prefer Hellmans or Kraft Mayo?" UM: Hellman's, asswipe. It is a fucking macho mayo, Hell- Man? Really easy stuff here. LWS: McRad has 2 part question: "Boxers or briefs?" and "Jorts or Bermudas" UM: I freeball and this guy is obviously not a Gator, Jorts all day. I sleep and bang in Jorts. Ask Tebow's dad, he knows LWS: Here is a good one, a question that a lot of people want to hear the answer. gymgator asked: "What's the best detergent to use to get out shart stains?" UM: My staff is working hard to find something. Chris Leak is absolutely destroying my uniform budget sharting 2 maybe 3 times a game. I have gone to making him wear Depends Underwear. But he always exceeds the structural limits of the diaper. To answer the question, nothing works. LWS: Mike Shula wants to know: "How did you punish your players during the AK-47 incident? I used Ice Cream and it has worked out really well." UM: First Mike, your a dumb ass too. I sweep my problems under the carpet. Pretend they don't happen and it works out fine. I have a Leadership Council among the players, comprised of my most illiterate players. Using ice cream, nice touch Mike. I hope your player is on the field. Two more questions and I got to go LWS: Let me pick a couple of good ones then. Here we go, HGator, TheoGator GatorTheo (Admin note, the tard gave us the wrong name and then wanted to correct it) and GordonGecko all want to know : "Can you teabag us while you hum Rocky Top? This is our fantasy, please complete us." UM: Guys, today is your lucky day. I will text you the time and the place. LWS: HGator, lucky day for you! Last question is from Big Ole Nasty Gator: "Don't you think you are much smarter and sophisticated than the average Florida fan? I mean we are fucking stupid people." UM: You are stupid people, yes. Hey, let's do one more, this is fun LWS: Alright then, here is the last question from Passover Gator: "Where do you buy your penis floss?" UM: I love flossing my penis. Makes me feel clean after a Blumpkin. I buy it on-line, Overstock is the best place to find quality penis floss. Thanks for having me. Thanks for the questions. I hope we can do this again soon. LWS: Coach thanks for taking time to answer some tough questions.

An Urban Classic,"Point and Stare" from a Dawg blow

http://georgiasports.blogspot.com/2005/07/urban-meyer-praised-for-pointing-and.html

Urban Meyer Chat Today!!!

Coach Urban Meyer has agreed to answer questions from our readers. He told me he felt bad about his behavior during yesterday's interview. This promises to be an exciting moment in our young blog's history. If you have a question, either leave a comment to this post or submit an email to loserwithsocks@gmail.com.

GainesJortsville Article

A year ago, Florida coach Urban Meyer said he was leaning on his players for an education about Florida vs. Tennessee. No longer a newbie, Meyer has a better idea what it's all about. Some of it he could have gleaned from Sun sports columnist Pat Dooley's version of the history of the rivalry. Today, Dooley offers the advanced course.